IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The cost of international travel is decreasing,and tourism is increasing in many countries. What are the advantages and disadvantages of the rising trend of tourism for countries.

#cost #travel #tourism #countries #trend
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many people tend to travel to other countries
due to
 a decrease in the cost of travelling abroad. In
this
 essay, both advantages and disadvantages will be discussed before reaching my conclusion. On the one hand, it is undeniable that travellers bring lots of benefits to their destinations.
Firstly
, the economic growth in those countries is rising. Locals obtain lots of money from tourism and use it to buy want they want making a circular flow of cash in the countries.
For instance
, Japanese individuals who come to Thailand pay for services and
then
 owners of the shops will use that money to pay their subordinates,
besides
, they are going to buy what they want at other shops.
Secondly
, tourism comes with job opportunities. There are many unemployed people
get
Correct pronoun usage
who get
show examples
 their new jobs because of the coming of vacationers.
For example
, native citizens can use their skills, namely handicrafts to make trinkets, pottery, ornaments, etc and
then
 sell them to tourists who seeking to buy something back as a reminisce.
On the other hand
, there are several disadvantages that come from tourism. In the first place, they destroy local culture in those areas. To illustrate, when Japanese tourists go to a Thai noodle restaurant and squeeze
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mayonnaise into a rice noodle, posting it on their social media and recommending others do the same. After that,
this
 post goes viral and Thai people try to do the same thing, leading to breaking our eating tradition.
Moreover
, Holidaymakers come with a lot of pollution. After they purchase a bottle of water and cannot find the bin.
Thus
, they just litter them into rivers or canals around that area, which in turn, makes the rivers full of waste and spread smelly scent all over the place.
Overall
, travellers can bring both positive and negative effects to the communities where they are heading
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
.
Submitted by nnatthinee on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your response is comprehensive, covering both the advantages and disadvantages of tourism effectively. However, make sure to include academic language and more specific examples to elevate your writing.
coherence cohesion
Overall, your essay maintains good coherence and cohesion. Improve logical flow by using more diverse linking words and ensuring that each point is clearly connected to the next one.
coherence cohesion
Your essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a well-structured framework for your arguments.
task achievement
You provided relevant and specific examples which helped in making your points clear and engaging.
task achievement
Your ideas are generally clear and comprehensive, contributing to an overall strong response.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: