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Band 6.5

Today, people in many countries can live and work anywhere they choose, because of improved communication technology and transport. Do the advantages of this development outweight the disadvantages?

#people #countries #work #communication #technology #transport #development #outweight
In today's
world
,
people
 choose to
work
 remotely
due to
 the advancements in communication technology and transport. I believe that
this
 trend has more merits than demerits which, I will explain my reasonings in the following passages with examples. To embark on, Technology is flourishing in leaps and bounds. With our improved telecommunication system, globalization is occurring at a light speed where
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 all countries are investing enormously in developing a strong network web.
Hence
, these advancements play a crucial role in providing citizens to
work
 from anywhere in the
world
. To exemplify, earlier,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of the companies recruit employees only within their nation or territory but now they offer jobs to any skilled, talented individuals from any remote location because , of the internet
connectivity
. In fact, A study published by Harvard University depicts that, there has been an 87% increase in remote
work
 opportunities in the
last
 5 years. Especially during COVID-19 , the entire
world
 chose to
work
 from home without disrupting the progress of their project.
This
 would have been impossible without a great network system. Thanks to internet
connectivity
 and computer technology.
In addition
, Travelling to another part of the
world
 has become feasible and convenient. The
connectivity
 between any two places has become evidently easier and
people
 can move from one place to another by booking tickets within a fraction of
minute
Correct article usage
a minute
show examples
 using their phones or laptops.
Also
, the automobile industry is growing at a faster pace where , they produce more buses, trains and aircraft.
Thus
, increase in
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of shuttles for passengers.
Furthermore
, many Nations are keen on funding to improve
connectivity
 within their country.
For Instance
, In the past five years, India has had the highest records in building roads and railway tracks totalling 1 lakh kilometres making it the third fastest-growing nation in the
world
.
This
 certainly is a boon for citizens in our Country.
This
, enables
people
 to travel for their
work
 without a second thought. All in all, I believe the development of transportation systems and technologies certainly gives
people
 the freedom to
work
 from anywhere they choose to perform their job and
this
 scenario has more advantages than disadvantages.
Submitted by u.umayal92 on

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task achievement
The essay adequately addresses the task, providing reasons and examples to support the viewpoint. However, some sentences are repetitive. To improve, avoid redundancy and ensure each point is distinct.
task achievement
Ensure consistency in punctuation and spacing (e.g., 'where ,' should be 'where,'). Also, keep sentences succinct to maintain reader engagement.
coherence cohesion
Each body paragraph is focused and supports the main points, though transitions could be smoother to further enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
Try to enhance the logical flow by linking ideas more seamlessly. Using more connecting words or phrases can help create a smoother transition between ideas.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with a defined introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
The main points are well-supported by relevant examples, which strengthen the overall argument.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a good understanding of how modern technology and improved transport facilities benefit remote working.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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