In some parts of the world, many famous people are regarded as ‘role models’ and they are having an increasing influence on the young.
In contemporary society, there are just dozens of prominent
people
who are considered role
models, and day by day, they are having a great influence on adolescents. Many young people
are trying to copy their lives, so they just forget about themselves, but there are some really good people
who can be real role
models for youngsters.
Nowadays, many teenagers are socially addicted to some
famous Correct quantifier usage
apply
people
via the internet
. Capitalize word
Internet
Although
they are copying their image of how they look and want to have the same profession, they think they will immediately become as famous as they are. For example
, famous model
Kylie Jenner almost fully changed her face by doing plastic surgery, and she became the number one billionaire model
in the world. As a consequence
, many youngsters are following her and want to become a model
like her,they think it is really easy to become such
a model
.
As Instagram gets more popular, there are so many bloggers who have useful content. Furthermore
, some people
are inspired by them, and it is giving motivation to youngsters. In addition
, they are also
opening their own blogs and trying to create useful content. For instance
, a blogger named Andrew Hybermen is running a really beneficial blog about health and how to overcome some problems, and it is also
known that there are so many teenagers who were inspired by him and opened their own blogs. Thus
, if a role
model
is someone who does beneficial things and recommends useful information, it is only for the better.
In conclusion, if a role
model
is someone who is useless and just beautiful or a billionaire, it is bad for teenagers to be inspired by them, but there are also
some really famous people
who deserve to be a
Correct article usage
apply
role
model
.Fix the agreement mistake
models
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on
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coherence cohesion
Your introduction sets the context but could be further refined to more clearly outline your stance and main points.
task achievement
Ensure that your main points are fully developed and expand on how these role models impact the youth in multiple dimensions.
coherence cohesion
Try to include more transitional phrases to enhance the flow between ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
Good use of examples, such as Kylie Jenner and Andrew Hybermen, which add specificity and relevance.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.