IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

“Because of the busy pace of modern life, many children spend most of their time indoors and have little exposure to the natural world.” Discuss the effects lack of experience with and understanding of nature can have on children as they grow up. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In today’s fast-paced world, many
children
 spend most of their
time
 indoors, whether at home, school
,
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 or on electronic devices.
This
 lack of exposure to
nature
 can have several negative effects on their development as they grow up.
Firstly
, spending too much
time
 indoors can harm a child’s physical health. Without regular outdoor activities,
children
 may not get enough exercise, which can lead to problems like obesity and poor fitness. Outdoor play,
such
 as running, climbing, or riding bikes, helps
children
 stay active and healthy.
Secondly
, a lack of connection to
nature
 can impact a child’s mental well-being.
Nature
 has a calming effect, and studies show that spending
time
 in green spaces can reduce stress and anxiety. Without
this
 exposure,
children
 may become more easily stressed or have difficulty focusing
in
Change preposition
on
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 school or other activities. They might
also
 miss out on important lessons in patience and observation that
nature
 can teach.
Furthermore
,
children
 who do not spend
time
 outdoors might grow up with little understanding of the environment.
This
 can lead to a lack of appreciation for
nature
, which is important in today’s world, where environmental issues like climate change and pollution are major concerns. If
children
 do not experience
nature
 firsthand, they might not feel motivated to protect it in the future. In conclusion,
while
 modern life is busy, it is important for
children
 to spend
time
 outdoors to support their physical health, mental well-being, and environmental awareness. Simple changes like family outings in parks or
nature
 walks can make a big difference.
Submitted by hebadyala on

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Task Achievement
Although the essay does provide clear ideas, it would benefit from the inclusion of more specific examples or case studies. Try incorporating specific instances or research findings to strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider refining your transitions between points to enhance the flow of the essay. Using transitional phrases or linking words more effectively could improve overall coherence.
Task Achievement
The essay offers a balanced examination of the topic by addressing both physical and mental impacts on children due to lack of exposure to nature.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, making it easy to follow.
Coherence and Cohesion
The main points are logical and well-supported, showing a good understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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