IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The mark of a successful person is to be wealthy and have a successful career. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In today’s world, many
people
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 believe that a person is considered successful if they have a good job and a lot of money.
In
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From
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 my perspective,
i
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I
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 completely agree with
this
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 view because financial wealth and
career
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 achievement are often the most visible signs of
success
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 in modern society. First of all, society often judges
success
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 based on income and job status.
People
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 who earn high salaries or work in prestigious roles,
such
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 as doctors, CEOs, or engineers, are usually respected and admired. They are often seen as role models because they have achieved what many
people
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 aim for — financial freedom and
career
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 growth.
For example
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, famous entrepreneurs like Elon Musk are widely regarded as successful not just because of their business ideas but
also
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 because of their enormous wealth and influence.
Secondly
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, having a successful
career
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 often means that a person is hardworking, talented, and committed. Reaching a high position in any job usually takes many years of effort and skill.
Therefore
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,
career
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success
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 is not only about money but
also
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 about personal development and achievement. It shows that someone has goals and is able to reach them, which is another reason
people
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 see it as a sign of
success
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.
In addition
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, being wealthy gives
people
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 more options in life. They can afford better healthcare, high-quality education, and travel to different parts of the world.
As a result
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, they enjoy a higher standard of living and more freedom to make choices, which many
people
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 connect with a successful life. In conclusion, I believe that wealth and
career
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 achievements are strong signs of
success
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.
While
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 other things like happiness and family are
also
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 important, society often measures
success
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 by how much a person earns and what position they hold in their
career
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.

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task achievement
Your main ideas are clear, but try to include more details or examples in some points to strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Use more transition words to guide the reader through your ideas more smoothly, such as 'furthermore' or 'in addition'.
coherence and cohesion
You have a strong introduction and conclusion that clearly state your position.
task achievement
Your examples, like mentioning Elon Musk, effectively support your argument about wealth and success.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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