In some parts of the world, many famous people are regarded as ‘role models’ and they are having an increasing influence on the young. Is that a positive or negative devolepment?
Many famous
people
are considered as a guide who impacts on
young Change preposition
apply
people
's behaviour in some countries. However
, this
could be bad for youngsters, because their heroes might be immoral or criminals.
On the one hand, teens always try to imitate famous people
, such
as,
actors, athletes, musicians, and so on. Remove the comma
apply
For instance
, they try to copy their image, actions
, and say one of the quotes which are told by their idols. Correct word choice
and actions
However
, they do not think about their idols' personality
, and they lead to which side, Fix the agreement mistake
personalities
for example
, a lot of teenagers like to look similar to bad rappers, who smoke and drink. As a result
, youngsters also
start to smoke or drink alcohol, like their role models, and they commit crimes in the
society.
Correct article usage
apply
On the other hand
, there are also
famous people
who share their wisdom and experience with people
that affect positively, and people
find solutions in their life
or Fix the agreement mistake
lives
career
. Fix the agreement mistake
careers
For instance
, when they are sharing knowledge through social media, they might spend more time explaining what they actually mean, so youngsters gain benefits. Basically, teenagers need to know how to find their idol, also
parents play a major role in this
situation.
In conclusion, famous people
could be a
Correct article usage
apply
leader
in Fix the agreement mistake
leaders
people
's life
who are in adolescence period. But Fix the agreement mistake
lives
this
could be a negative effectSubmitted by makemoneyizzy16 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Make sure to thoroughly connect your examples back to the main point you're making. For instance, when talking about bad rappers, reiterate how their negative influence affects the youth.
coherence cohesion
Use more varied linking words and phrases to connect your ideas smoothly. For example, words like 'moreover', 'consequently', and 'therefore' can help guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
You have demonstrated a clear understanding of the task by addressing both positive and negative influences of famous people on young individuals.
coherence cohesion
Your essay structure has clear paragraphs that follow a logical order, making it easier to follow your argument.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?