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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In some parts of the world, many famous people are regarded as ‘role models’ and they are having an increasing influence on the young. Is that a positive or negative devolepment?

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Many famous
people
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 are considered as a guide who impacts
on
Change preposition
apply
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young
people
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's behaviour in some countries.
However
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,
this
Linking Words
 could be bad for youngsters, because their heroes might be immoral or criminals. On the one hand, teens always try to imitate famous
people
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,
such
Linking Words
 as
,
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apply
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 actors, athletes, musicians, and so on.
For instance
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, they try to copy their image,
actions
Correct word choice
and actions
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, and say one of the quotes which are told by their idols.
However
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, they do not think about their idols'
personality
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personalities
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, and they lead to which side,
for example
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, a lot of teenagers like to look similar to bad rappers, who smoke and drink.
As a result
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, youngsters
also
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 start to smoke or drink alcohol, like their role models, and they commit crimes in
the
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apply
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society.
On the other hand
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, there are
also
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 famous
people
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 who share their wisdom and experience with
people
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 that affect positively, and
people
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 find solutions in their
life
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lives
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 or
career
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careers
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.
For instance
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, when they are sharing knowledge through social media, they might spend more time explaining what they actually mean, so youngsters gain benefits. Basically, teenagers need to know how to find their idol,
also
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 parents play a major role in
this
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 situation. In conclusion, famous
people
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 could be
a
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apply
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leader
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leaders
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 in
people
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's
life
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lives
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 who are in adolescence period. But
this
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 could be a negative effect

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task achievement
Make sure to thoroughly connect your examples back to the main point you're making. For instance, when talking about bad rappers, reiterate how their negative influence affects the youth.
coherence cohesion
Use more varied linking words and phrases to connect your ideas smoothly. For example, words like 'moreover', 'consequently', and 'therefore' can help guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
You have demonstrated a clear understanding of the task by addressing both positive and negative influences of famous people on young individuals.
coherence cohesion
Your essay structure has clear paragraphs that follow a logical order, making it easier to follow your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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