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Band 7

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #health #sports #facilities #effect #measures
While
 some
people
 believe that adding more and more
sports
centres
 is the best way to improve
people
's
health
, others think there are better ways to do
this
.
Although
 increasing the number of gyms would motivate
people
 to exercise, educating them about
health
 is far more effective. On the one hand, building more and more
sports
centres
 would encourage
people
 to practice physical activities.
People
 will have no excuse os doing
sports
 if they have many
sports
 facilities near their houses.
This
 is why increasing the number of
sports
centres
 will ensure that
people
 will have access to these facilities and eventually, it will positively affect their
health
.
For example
, back in 2015, fifty new gyms were open in Amman and a vast number of
people
 started exercising for the first time in their lives and they became healthier.
However
, I think
this
 is a temporary solution and better steps should be taken.
On the other hand
, educating
people
 about their
health
 has proven to be an effective way to increase public
health
. When schools start teaching children from an early age about their
health
 and what they can do to improve it, these children will grow up acquiring the needed knowledge to continue their healthy lifestyle.
For instance
, Japan is considered the healthiest country because the
people
 of Japan were educated about their
health
 in school. In conclusion, despite the importance of establishing more
sports
centres
 to boost
people
's
health
, teaching
people
 from an early age will have a huge influence on their
health
.
Submitted by nidaa_hamed on

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Task Achievement
Try to elaborate more on both sides of the argument to present a more balanced discussion. Provide more detailed examples to support your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure that all sections of the essay flow seamlessly from one to another. Improve the use of linking phrases and ensure transitions between ideas are smooth.
Coherence and Cohesion
Clear and concise introduction and conclusion that present the main argument effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically structured and each paragraph stays focused on supporting the main point.
Task Achievement
Good use of specific examples to illustrate the points.
Task Achievement
Ideas are generally clear and comprehensible.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • sports facilities
  • physical activity
  • exercise
  • chronic diseases
  • heart disease
  • obesity
  • inclusivity
  • participation
  • safe environment
  • social interaction
  • community engagement
  • comprehensive approach
  • health education programs
  • environmental factors
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • quality healthcare services
  • public health initiatives
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