Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
While
Linking Words
some
people
Use synonyms
believe that adding more and more
sports
Use synonyms
centres
Use synonyms
is the best way to improve
people
Use synonyms
's
health
Use synonyms
, others think there are better ways to do
this
Linking Words
.
Although
Linking Words
increasing the number of gyms would motivate
people
Use synonyms
to exercise, educating them about
health
Use synonyms
is far more effective. On the one hand, building more and more
sports
Use synonyms
centres
Use synonyms
would encourage
people
Use synonyms
to practice physical activities.
People
Use synonyms
will have no excuse os doing
sports
Use synonyms
if they have many
sports
Use synonyms
facilities near their houses.
This
Linking Words
is why increasing the number of
sports
Use synonyms
centres
Use synonyms
will ensure that
people
Use synonyms
will have access to these facilities and eventually, it will positively affect their
health
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, back in 2015, fifty new gyms were open in Amman and a vast number of
people
Use synonyms
started exercising for the first time in their lives and they became healthier.
However
Linking Words
, I think
this
Linking Words
is a temporary solution and better steps should be taken.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, educating
people
Use synonyms
about their
health
Use synonyms
has proven to be an effective way to increase public
health
Use synonyms
. When schools start teaching children from an early age about their
health
Use synonyms
and what they can do to improve it, these children will grow up acquiring the needed knowledge to continue their healthy lifestyle.
For instance
Linking Words
, Japan is considered the healthiest country because the
people
Use synonyms
of Japan were educated about their
health
Use synonyms
in school. In conclusion, despite the importance of establishing more
sports
Use synonyms
centres
Use synonyms
to boost
people
Use synonyms
's
health
Use synonyms
, teaching
people
Use synonyms
from an early age will have a huge influence on their
health
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by nidaa_hamed on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Try to elaborate more on both sides of the argument to present a more balanced discussion. Provide more detailed examples to support your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure that all sections of the essay flow seamlessly from one to another. Improve the use of linking phrases and ensure transitions between ideas are smooth.
Coherence and Cohesion
Clear and concise introduction and conclusion that present the main argument effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically structured and each paragraph stays focused on supporting the main point.
Task Achievement
Good use of specific examples to illustrate the points.
Task Achievement
Ideas are generally clear and comprehensible.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • sports facilities
  • physical activity
  • exercise
  • chronic diseases
  • heart disease
  • obesity
  • inclusivity
  • participation
  • safe environment
  • social interaction
  • community engagement
  • comprehensive approach
  • health education programs
  • environmental factors
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • quality healthcare services
  • public health initiatives
What to do next:
Look at other essays: