Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #illness #disease #governments #focus #pollution

A number of

people

believe that to cut down illness and disease, the government should concentrate on decreasing surrounding

pollution

and household issues From my point of view, I totally agree that environmental contamination and housing

problems

cause sickness and the policies of governments are foremost in prevention complaints. Reducing environmental dirtying is essential for preventing various

health

issues. All types of

pollution

such

as air

pollution

, water

pollution

, soil

pollution

, or noise

pollution

can cause sickness, respiratory

problems

, or even cancer. To be more specific, air

pollution

Hanoi

Change noun form

Hanoi's

show examples

capital, Ho Chi Minh City have contributed to promoting the percentage of respiratory sickness in recent years.

Besides

, most

people

who live in mountainous areas or poor housing have a near-natural lifestyle and do not clean up their accommodation usually.

This

negatively impacts

people

health

Therefore

, by ensuring access to clean, affordable housing, governments can promote healthier living conditions.

Moreover

, I believe that the government not only focus on cutting down surrounding

pollution

or household

problems

but

also

their policies ought to mention solutions to help

people

follow a healthy lifestyle. It's undeniable that food and lifestyle greatly influence human

health

. Nowadays, many

people

rely heavily on fast food, leading to an increased percentage of kidney disease or other long-lasting

health

problems

Additionally

,high-stress levels lifestyles or spend much time doing work and not having leisure can make

people

become weaker and easier to have sick than before. In conclusion,

while

I agree that environmental

pollution

and housing issues are closely leading to

health

problems

, I believe that poor accommodation

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and dirty and unhealthy lifestyles should

also

be on the government’s policies.

Submitted by lyhuongclc on Mon Jun 17 2024

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coherence cohesion

Some sentences are overly complex or unclear. Simplify your sentence structures for better clarity.

task achievement

Expand on your supporting points with more specific examples and detailed explanations.

task achievement

Your introduction clearly states your position on the topic.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively summarize the main points.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

271 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

preventive healthcare
environmental regulations
respiratory diseases
public health policies
sanitation facilities
urban planning
communicable diseases
socio-economic factors
sustainable development
government intervention
healthcare infrastructure
industrial emissions
air quality index
affordable housing
mental wellbeing

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Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Some people say that now we can see films on our phones or tablets there is no need to go to the cinemas. Others, say that to be fully enjoyed, films need to be seen in cinema. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

in some countries owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. why might this be the case? do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

Excessive consumption of sugar causes many health related issues. Some people believe the government should control population’s sugar intake while others think people themselves should be responsible for their sugar eating habits. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Your cat home and have a problem with a piece of equipment that you you for your job write a letter to a shop or company with supplied the equipment describe the problem you had to recruitment explain how this problem is affecting you say when you want the shop to our company to do