IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people argue that governments should spend more money on developing bullet and metro rail facilities, while others support the idea of spending money on upgrading current public transport system. discuss both views and give your opinion

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There is a controversy over improving the status of the existing public
transport
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 rather than spending a huge amount of money on developing
bullet
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 and metro rail
facilities
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;
however
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, I am inclined to hold the conviction that upgrading the
transport
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 system can facilitate travelling, and it can
consequently
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 bring about some positive results. On the one hand, the current
transport
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 system is actively working and giving services to thousands of individuals in all countries. Indeed, public
transport
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 is an indispensable part of our daily life, and travelling would be a disaster without its function.
Therefore
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,
according to
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 a widely held belief,
this
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 service must be maintained and upgraded frequently to stay proficient. Germany,
for instance
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, is experiencing a lesser amount of traffic congestion compared to its neighbouring countries
due to
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 the fact that
this
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 country has always strived to keep its public transportation services up-to-date, utilized, cost-effective, and convenient, which makes its citizens reluctant to drive their personal works.
However
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, other people claim that the frantic pace of technological improvements forces governments and citizens to boost themselves.
According to
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this
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 idea, artificial intelligence and technology demand a higher speed in our daily lives.
Hence
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, we must take advantage of the
facilities
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 that have the potential to accelerate our journey.
As a result
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, governments must dedicate their endeavours and
finance
Fix the agreement mistake
finances
show examples
 to deploying
bullet
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 trains and rail
facilities
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 as much as possible. Having a faster manner of commutation can result in spending less time in traffic, feeling less tired, and having a higher ratio of motivation among people. China,
for instance
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, would encounter numerous issues if it did not own
this
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bullet
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 train technology as it is a populated country that would have encountered remarkable issues If it did not have high-speed railways. In conclusion, after considering the above-mentioned points,
while
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 many individuals assert that investing money to keep the existing transportation system facilitated is a wiser decision, I believe that governments must make efforts to develop
bullet
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 trains and rail
facilities
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 as they can decrease the negative consequences of long hour travels and get stuck in traffic jams.

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Task Achievement
Ensure your position is clear throughout the essay, as occasional ambiguity can weaken your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices to enhance the fluidity of your writing, even though it is already quite strong.
Task Achievement
Address potential counterarguments or limitations of your perspective to strengthen your response.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear and effective introduction and conclusion, which frames the discussion well.
Task Achievement
You provide relevant and specific examples which support your points effectively, such as references to Germany and China.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your writing is logically structured with well-developed paragraphs that flow smoothly from one to the next.
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