You are a current student of Loren Brusque University, studying Business Administration. You want to apply for the post of Quality Assurance Manager you have recently seen on the university's notice board. Write a letter to Mr. Walker, and Give your reason for writing Tell about your education Describe your work experience and explain why you would be suitable for the job. Write at least 150 words.

#student #loren #brusque #university #business #administration #post #quality #assurance #manager #notice #board #mr #walker #reason #education #work #job

Hello Mr. Smith I saw on the university’s board a notice about

Correct article usage

the

show examples

vacant position of

Quality

Assurance Manager. I am writing to tell you that I want to apply for

this

position. I think I fit perfectly because of my background.

Firstly

/First/

To begin

with, I would like to describe my education. I’m a fourth-year student at Loren Brusque University. I

study

Wrong verb form

am studying

show examples

Business Administration. I studied economics, management and production

quality

. I study time and people management for factories and know well all

quality

standards.

Secondly

, I had an internship at a big manufactory as a

Quality

Assurance Manager for six months. I planned the work of one department, controlled plans execution on time and participated in a strategy plan to develop our division. I got a positive review from my boss. It follows that I have the relevant experience for your job. You wrote that

this

position was for

part time

Add a hyphen

part-time

show examples

. It is very convenient for me

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

because my classes/lectures finish at 1pm and

then

I can work. I look forward to hearing from you. If you require any

further

information, please do not hesitate to contact me. Regards, Nadezhda Eliseeva.

Submitted by aboykova13 on Mon Aug 12 2024

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coherence cohesion

To further improve coherence, consider using a consistent method to introduce your paragraphs (e.g., using 'firstly' for the first point and 'secondly' for the second point, and so on).

task achievement

Ensure the recipient's name is consistent throughout the letter. You addressed the letter to Mr. Smith but later referred to Mr. Walker; choose one and stick with it.

task achievement

Consider adding more specific details about your skills and achievements during your internship to provide a clearer picture of your capabilities.

task achievement

The letter clearly states the reason for writing and provides relevant information about your education and work experience.

task achievement

The tone of the letter is professional and appropriate for a job application.

coherence cohesion

Your paragraphing is clear, with each paragraph covering a distinct point, which aids readability.

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

8 paragraphs

192 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Greeting and closing

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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