IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that students should learn a wide range of subjects in school. Others believe that it is better for students to focus on a few subjects that they are interested in. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Going to
school
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 is an important part of human life, and we have been attending educational institutions since childhood. These institutions are essential for helping us grow as individuals and for improving the world we live in. Education shapes both our thinking and
behavior
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behaviour
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.
However
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, as we get older,
school
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 may become more difficult because of the large number of
subjects
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 we have to study. In high
school
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,
students
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 take many different
subjects
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such
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 as math, biology, and literature.
This
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 helps us gain general knowledge and prepares us for many situations in life. But at the same time, studying too many
subjects
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 can make it harder to focus deeply on one area and to improve our thinking skills in that subject. In my opinion, after middle
school
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,
students
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 should be encouraged to discover what they are interested in. If they focus on a smaller number of
subjects
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 that match their strengths, they can develop their skills more effectively.
For example
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, a student who is good at physics and chemistry can follow a path to become a scientist. In
this
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 way,
students
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 can become experts in their chosen field and contribute more to society.
Moreover
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, when
students
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 study
subjects
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 that suit their abilities, they usually get better grades.
This
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 makes it easier for them to enter university or get accepted into a good college. In conclusion, learning a variety of
subjects
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 helps
students
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 become more open-minded and better understand the world.
However
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, allowing them to focus on fewer
subjects
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 after a certain age can help them become more motivated, skilled, and successful individuals.
This
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 can lead to a better future for both themselves and the society they live in.

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task achievement
Consider providing more detailed examples or evidence to support your arguments, especially in the body paragraphs. This helps to strengthen your points and make your perspective clearer.
coherence and cohesion
You might want to enhance the connection between your ideas by using a wider variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of your essay.
content
Your introduction clearly outlines the importance of education and sets a solid foundation for the discussion.
task achievement
You provided a balanced view of both sides of the argument, which is commendable and aligns with the essay prompt.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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