IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many museums charge for admission while others are free Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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It can be seen that some
museums
Use synonyms
 collect
fees
Use synonyms
 from visitors when they visit these places
while
Linking Words
 other
museums
Use synonyms
 do not
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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. In my opinion,
while
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 charging
people
Use synonyms
 for admission may bring about some drawbacks, I would argue they are eclipsed by the benefits On the one hand, many
people
Use synonyms
 believe that charging
people
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 for entry may lead to some drawbacks for
museums
Use synonyms
such
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 as it remarkably reduces the number of customers of
museums
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. Because
people
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 with low income may not be willing to spend their money on museum visits.
Besides
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, Many
people
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, especially young citizens, think visiting
museums
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 is not only boring but
also
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 extortingly expensive.
Therefore
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, charging for admission is unwise
On the other hand
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, many
people
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 opine that it is necessary for
museums
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 to collect visitor’s
fees
Use synonyms
 because they need money to run and maintain their facilities.
For example
Linking Words
, they need financial support from visitors to cover the costs of maintaining and preserving works and exhibits that
otherwise
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 deteriorate with time.
Furthermore
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,
such
Linking Words
fees
Use synonyms
 are not only used for the aforementioned purposes (
maintain
Replace the word
maintenance
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, facilities and human resources) but
also
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used
Verb problem
apply
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to support, sponsor and promote presentations (invite famous experts in that field to talk
show
Fix the agreement mistake
shows
show examples
), or new educational programs,
competitions
Correct word choice
and competitions
show examples
 that encourage children to love art, history and nature. As
result
Correct article usage
a result
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, the young are able to
more
Add a missing verb
be more
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 interest
Change preposition
in those
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those topic
Change the determiner
that topic
those topics
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. In conclusion, in my opinion, the cost of maintenance and operation with
supportion
Correct your spelling
supporting
support
supportive
, sponsor and promotion
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 the reasons
make
Correct pronoun usage
that make
show examples
 me believe the benefits of charging
people
Use synonyms
 for admission outweigh its drawbacks. Thereby,
museums
Use synonyms
 should get customers’
fees
Use synonyms
 when they visit.

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task achievement
Clarify some statements for better comprehension and attempt to use a varied sentence structure to avoid repetition. This will help in making your ideas clearer and more engaging for the reader.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical flow by using more linking words and phrases. This will create smoother transitions between ideas and make the essay more cohesive.
introduction conclusion present
Good introduction and conclusion are present, which helps in framing the essay well.
supported main points
The main points are generally well-supported with examples and logical reasoning.
complete response
You have provided a complete response to the question, addressing both advantages and disadvantages.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Admission fee
  • Revenue stream
  • Maintenance
  • Overcrowding
  • Commercialization
  • Cultural heritage
  • Diverse attendance
  • Community ownership
  • Access to culture
  • Visitor experience
  • Exhibit quality
  • Cultural mission
  • Reliance on funding
  • Government subsidies
  • Cultural accessibility
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