In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?
There is no denying the fact that numerous
a
societies are now living longer than ever before. Correct article usage
apply
While
It is a commonly held belief that some individuals say an ageing population creates issues
For governments, there is also
an argument that other people believe there are benefits if communities have elderly people. This
essay will analyse this
topic from both points of view and express my opinion. On one hand, increased demand for healthcare services leads to higher costs for the government. In other words
, establishing a care home for older adult contributes to enhancing their well-being and providing better career opportunities.In addition
, older adults can contribute to society through volunteering and sharing wisdom. For example
, the school trips. On the other hand
, governments may need to implement policies to encourage higher rates or extend retirement age. It is also
possible to say that studies have proven the effectiveness of government encouragement and assistance to families in significantly the birth rate.Moreover
,they are able to work for longer and after retirement, they contribute in many ways too.For instance
, doing charitable work, also
grandparents caring for their young grandchildren.In conclusion, there are no easy answers to this
question. On balance, however
, I tend to believe that an ageing population poses challenges for governments, it is clear that
these are outweighed by the significant benefits that elderly people bring to society.Submitted by 01_salver_cheek on
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coherence cohesion
The introduction of the essay is quite brief and does not fully establish the context of the discussion. It should clearly outline the main points that will be discussed in the body paragraphs. Expanding the introduction will provide a stronger foundation for the essay.
coherence cohesion
The body paragraphs present some valid points, but they are somewhat disjointed. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that supporting statements and examples are directly related. More detailed explanations and development of ideas are needed for stronger coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay's conclusion provides a balanced summary but should tie all the main points together more effectively. Reinforce the main arguments to clearly demonstrate how the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
task achievement
While you have addressed the task, the response could be more detailed and focused. Make sure to delve deeper into the discussion of both advantages and disadvantages, providing concrete examples and explanations for each point mentioned.
task achievement
Your points are clear but could benefit from more elaboration. Clarify and expand on how older adults contribute to society and the specific challenges faced by governments.
task achievement
Examples used in the essay should be more specific and detailed. Rather than general statements like 'school trips,' consider providing concrete instances and explain their relevance to your argument.
coherence cohesion
You have a good understanding of the topic and can see both sides of the argument, which is excellent for critical thinking and balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
You've made an effort to include a conclusion that sums up your arguments, which is essential for a well-rounded essay.
task achievement
The essay shows a reasonable attempt to address both advantages and disadvantages, demonstrating comprehension of the question.
task achievement
Your ideas are generally clear, and you provide a balanced view, which reflects an understanding of the complex nature of the topic.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.
A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).
Stick to this essay structure:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion