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Writing Samples
Band 8

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people.Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvatages?

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Nowadays most states have a larger amount of population consisting of youngsters than aged individuals. In
this
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 essay, I shall discuss the advantages and the drawbacks, and explain why it is more beneficial. First of all, gathering a great number of young brains in one country helps to develop new innovations in every field.
This
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 category of people has more passion for creating new ideas to improve technologies that may lead advanced and sustainable future for mankind. Second , the young generation provides the government with a sufficient labour force. The particular reason for the circumstance is these individuals have the best physical condition that makes their employability higher than their seniors.
For instance
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,
according to
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 statistical data provided by the Azerbaijani State Statistics Committee 60 percent of employees working in the private and public sectors are between 19-39 years old. The main disadvantage of the adolescent crowd is that they cost a lot to the government. The first cause of the specific problem is unemployment. The government is supposed to provide juniors with relevant job opportunities. Another way of expenditure for the leading organization of the countries is education.
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, in order to have skilled workers the state has to support their citizens with an efficient and affordable teaching system.
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, there are so many development programs and investments towards youth that it may even surpass the amount spent on pensions. In conclusion, it costs a lot to afford many people who are young and give them a certain amount of support.
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, I believe that the advantages of having young people in one environment outweigh its drawbacks.

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task achievement
Your essay would benefit from a clearer thesis statement in the introduction, explicitly stating your position. This will make your argument more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences in your essay could be more concise. Try to avoid redundancy to enhance clarity. For example, 'The particular reason for the circumstance is these individuals have the best physical condition that makes their employability higher than their seniors' could be simplified.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-presented, giving the essay a clear structure.
task achievement
You've employed relevant and specific examples to support your points, which strengthens your argumentative stance.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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