IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that when deciding how taxes should be spent, governments should prioritise health care. Other people believe that there are more important priorities for taxpayers' money. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

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People have different
opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
show examples
 regarding how states should use their funds. Some would argue that spending on
health
Use synonyms
 care should be given priority,
while
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 others say that there are other sectors that should be given more importance.
This
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 essay would argue that
although
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health
Use synonyms
 is important, there are other
things
Use synonyms
 that are more significant,
such
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 as
education
Use synonyms
 and development.
To begin
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, there is a group who believes that when
budget
Add an article
the budget
show examples
 is decided,
health
Use synonyms
 care should be
prioritize
Wrong verb form
prioritised
show examples
.
That is
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 because personal
health
Use synonyms
 is one of the most important
things
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, and if a person is sick, he or she cannot be productive.
Moreover
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,
Use synonyms
health-care
Correct your spelling
health care
show examples
 is expensive, and
majority
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the majority
a majority
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 of people are unable to pay their medical bills. So they believe that government should provide
Use synonyms
health-care
Correct your spelling
health care
show examples
.
For example
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, in
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 NHS spending is more than 100 billion dollars annually.
However
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, money
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
 on
this
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 sector can be used for children's
education
Use synonyms
 and countries' development.
On the other hand
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, there are others who think that
states
Fix the agreement mistake
state
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 resources are limited and other
things
Use synonyms
 in life are
also
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 important. Governments should
also
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 focus
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 limited funds on
education
Use synonyms
 and development as well. If they
will
Verb problem
do
show examples
 not do that, they will be left behind
other
Change preposition
by other
show examples
 nations. The money can
also
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spend
Wrong verb form
be spent
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 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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welfare projects for
public
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the public
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 as well.
For instance
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, Norway
spend
Change the verb form
spends
show examples
 around 11% of its annual budget on
education
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, which
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 made
possible
Correct pronoun usage
it possible
show examples
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
university-
Correct your spelling
education
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 to be free, and
this
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 has allowed its citizens to focus on other
things
Use synonyms
 in life. In conclusion,
although
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health
Use synonyms
 is important, there are other important
things
Use synonyms
 as well, which governments should focus on. It is important that all the sectors are given importance.

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task response
Your essay presents a balanced discussion on the topic, addressing both views and presenting your own opinion. However, ensure that each point is developed with more depth and detail.
task response
The examples provided are relevant, but try to include more specific data or personal experiences to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
While your essay has a clear structure, aim to improve the logical flow between your paragraphs. Connecting sentences or phrases could help enhance the coherence of the arguments presented.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences could be more clearly connected to the main points. Consider using linking words or phrases to guide readers through your arguments more effectively.
coherence cohesion
You successfully include an introduction and a conclusion in your essay, which frames your discussion well.
task response
The essay covers the key aspects of both views on the topic, indicating an understanding of the subject matter.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Fundamental need
  • 2. Economic growth and development
  • 3. Workforce productivity
  • 4. Preventive health care
  • 5. Cost-effective
  • 6. Long-term outcomes
  • 7. Health disparities
  • 8. Social equity
  • 9. Socioeconomic status
  • 10. Vulnerable populations
  • 11. Infrastructure
  • 12. Quality of life
  • 13. Knowledgeable workforce
  • 14. Economic propellers
  • 15. Balanced approach
  • 16. Diverse allocation
  • 17. Societal development
  • 18. Robust economic performance
  • 19. Public funds
  • 20. Health system burden
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