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Band 6.5

some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. why is this the case ? do you think this is a positive or negative developement?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #developement
Nowadays, the usage of cell phones is increased by many kids. I adhere to the belief that
this
 scheme has its own privileges, but I can
also
 consider it to be a two-edged sword it is accompanied by some drawbacks. To start with, I hold the view that one of the most significant benefits of spending time is its easy communication,
this
 can be very useful in emergency situations,
for instance
, when we put a strain on something or have trouble, we have just to call our family or people in friendships zone.
However
,
this
 helps us to surf the internet as quickly as possible, the major segment of the popular point;
hence
, with the advent of technology, children have more tendency to be up to date.
On the other hand
, there are two main reasons for the negative development of
this
 matter,
firstly
, the more the youths are addicted to utilizing smartphones, the more degraded family responsibility, I mean the gap between family members is growing.
Secondly
, in terms of societies, wasting a lot of time as well is an important issue, and
also
 a distraction,
For instance
, children can not concentrate on their homework and assignments because they have received notifications from various applications and platforms, it depends on individuals to manage their usage of gadgets.
To sum up
, I believe that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks, in
this
 case.
Therefore
, the reasons for my perception have been
further
 elaborated in
this
 essay.
Submitted by safehiana on

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Task Achievement
To enhance task response, try to provide more specific examples that illustrate your arguments in a clearer way. For example, cite specific studies or statistical data regarding smartphone usage among children.
Coherence and Cohesion
In terms of coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Consider using more transitional phrases and words to link ideas and maintain a logical flow throughout your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
For supported main points, you could better substantiate your arguments by providing more details and elaboration on how the points you raised specifically affect children.
Task Achievement
The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the benefits and drawbacks of children spending hours on smartphones.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and summarize the main points well.
Task Achievement
The essay features some insightful observations, such as the impact of smartphone usage on family responsibility and homework distraction.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • addictive
  • engrossed
  • screen time
  • outdoor activities
  • online learning tools
  • peer pressure
  • educational apps
  • social media platforms
  • limited space
  • continuous smartphone usage
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