For many people, the reason they work hard is to earn more money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some
people
are of the opinion that earning money
is the key purpose for them to be diligent in work
. Personally, I totally agree with this
statement because of some major reasons that are elucidated in this
essay.
To begin
with, money
can help individuals pay for their living expenses, so more and more people
work
extremely hard to make money
. It is acknowledged that these days, there is an increasing number of people
migrating to the metropolises to be employed as loads of enterprises are likely to put their headquarters and branches in those cities, which since then
contributes to higher job opportunities. The greater this
migration is, the higher the demands in accommodations and commuting there will be, which can lead to the fact that residents have to work
diligently as many occupations concurrently to earn as much as money
for afford those expenditures if they want to maintain their living in those bustling urban areas.
Another reason why individuals are so industrious to make money
is that they need an amount of money
when getting older. It is valid that after quitting jobs for retirement, the elderly obtain trivial financial support from the government, which is only enough for spending on daily meals. Moreover
, as people
reach their twilight age, they may suffer from various types of incurable illnesses, such
as cardiovascular ones, which cost a lot for a single treatment to alleviate pain or severity. In order to sustain the old patients’ health in a stable state, it is essential for them to follow the curing measures multiple times per month, which the finance supply from the official cannot be affordable . Therefore
, plenty of human beings choose to be hard-working in the work
at a young age, allowing them to economize a great deal of money
for their older age.
In conclusion, money
plays a crucial role in human beings' lives, and most people
desire to possess it as much as possible so they resort to industriousness in work
. Hence
, by working hard, people
can earn lots of money
in order to pay for their periodical spending and for their hospital bills in the twilight era.Submitted by [email protected] on
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task achievement
Strengthen your examples and make them more specific to enhance the relevance and impact, especially when discussing migration to cities and the challenges old people face.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next. This can be achieved by using linking phrases and words. Your essay is mostly cohesive, but some transitions could be smoother.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction effectively sets up the topic and clearly states your position.
logical structure
You have a logical structure with clear main points that support your thesis statement.