In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

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In some countries, people argue that working diligently can provide children with opportunities to achieve their goals.
While
there are some drawbacks associated with
this
, I believe that the main advantages are more substantial. On the one hand, a potential disadvantage of working hard towards aims may be getting depressed.
In other words
, once youngsters fail to acquire whatever they want, finding themselves a hopeless person is not unlikely.
This
can result in mental disorders
such
as depression in the long run. Another perceived negative is that working hard may result in sacrificing anything in favour of one’s ambitions.
Therefore
,
such
individuals are unable to enjoy their lives and always are striving to make their dreams come true.
Moreover
, they are more prone to health problems
such
as sleep deprivation.
For example
, in Japan, working hard is a part of people’s culture and they face major problems in their everyday lives.
On the other hand
, a primary benefit of making
further
efforts is that society can benefit from it. Children who are encouraged to attempt hard are more likely to become upstanding individuals.
Consequently
, they are able to contribute to their community in many different ways.
For example
, in America, economic progress owes to scientists, politicians and people who are experts in a particular field. A
further
advantage is that people who are trying hard towards their targets are less likely to turn to crimes.
This
can lead to a higher standard of living for community members. On balance, it is true that trying hard would seem disadvantageous under certain circumstances.
However
, in my view, its advantages in terms of upbringing practical individuals and preventing crimes override the disadvantages.
Submitted by maryam.nutrition1988 on

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Detail/Example
Try to develop each point with more specific examples or explanations to strengthen your argument.
Introduction/Conclusion
While your introduction and conclusion are well-crafted, revisiting them to ensure they clearly state your thesis and summarize your main points could enhance clarity.
Coherence/Cohesion
Your essay has a good structure, but ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs for better flow.
Task Achievement
You have a clear thesis that sets up the advantages and disadvantages effectively.
Coherence/Cohesion
Good job organizing your essay with a clear progression of ideas.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • achieve
  • try hard
  • positive mindset
  • self-belief
  • motivates
  • ambitious goals
  • resilience
  • determination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • growth mindset
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • failure
  • effort
  • hard work
  • seek support
  • individual differences
  • abilities
  • capabilities
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