IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Nowadays families are not as close as in the past and a lot of people have become used to this. Why is this happening ? Do the advantage of this trend outweigh the drawbacks ?

In recent years, many people have become accustomed to weaker family ties than in the past. The reasons behind
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon are primarily linked to advances in technology and global mobility. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss the reasons and explain why the drawbacks far outweigh the limited benefits.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, connections among family members have declined significantly
due to
Linking Words
 factors enabled by technology. Because people are capable of travelling by plane from one country to another to study or work abroad,
this
Linking Words
 has led to their separation from their nuclear families.
Moreover
Linking Words
, technological development has weakened blood ties as people spend excessive hours in front of screens, resulting in not only fragmenting countless households but
also
Linking Words
 leaving folks mentally and emotionally drained.
For example
Linking Words
, in 2021, a UK survey reported that nearly two-thirds of international students had not seen their relatives for more than a year.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, despite minor advantages,
such
Linking Words
 as independence, personal growth, and complete autonomy, the disadvantages pose a serious threat to individuals. Humans are naturally social and need to be close to their families;
otherwise
Linking Words
, they are likely to experience a rise in stress-hormone levels.
For instance
Linking Words
, a study published in the American Psychological Journal showed that 76% of citizens who lived alone without sufficient contact with their relatives reported several mental health issues, including stress, depression, and burnout.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 there are certain advantages to losing touch with family, I am convinced that the disadvantages surpass them. The technological progress and cross-border mobility have enabled employees and pupils to neglect their family bonds, devastating their sources of emotional support.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Response
Add more detail on how the trend hurts people and show a clear end line that you think about.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make the flow in the essay better. Use simple link words and make sure each idea links to the main point.
Lexical Resources
Use simple and clear words. Do not use too hard or rare words.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Check small grammar and use of 'the' and 'a' and verb forms.
Examples/Support
Give more clear links between the example and the point you make.
Task Response
Clear view that drawbacks beat benefits.
Structure
Good signs of order with intro, body blocks, and clear end.
Content
Use of two real examples to support ideas.
Coherence
Links show sequence and move well.
General
The argument is easy to follow for the reader.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: