IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Nowadays, people have different views about whether
students
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 should expand their knowledge or pay more attention to studying for their major subject.
While
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 an expending of knowledge sometimes be useful in life,
this
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 essay will shed light on both views and I believe that it is more important to focus on the main
subjects
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. On the
one
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 hand, when university
students
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study
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one
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 required subject they will get bored after a
while
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.
Furthermore
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, if people learn more about
one
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 course that they want to
study
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 in the time coming, it will give them more opportunities to show themselves on the good side.
For example
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, nowadays society's pressure on undergraduates makes it difficult to find jobs. If you major
study
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 humanities, and you learn other
subjects
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such
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 as science, you can add more roads to choose your work when you finish your school work.
On the other hand
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, it is perhaps even more important to
students
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 for the many aspects of adult life and your final examination that require qualifications.
Firstly
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,
while
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 you learn about other
subjects
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 you can just forget about the things which you learned from the main subject.
In particular
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, since they are not neglected by other
subjects
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, they can have a more thorough comprehension of their field of
study
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.
Secondly
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, people learning more
subjects
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 are accompanied by more pressure, tiredness and mental disorders. In conclusion,
students
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 want to attend more
subjects
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 in order to get high-quality workplace opportunities, but it seems to pay attention to
one
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 thing you
also
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 will be more successful in your life.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure the essay has a clear logical structure by organizing ideas into well-constructed paragraphs, each with a clear main idea and cohesive devices to link them.
coherence cohesion
Include a clear introduction and conclusion to frame the essay. The introduction should set the context and state the purpose of the essay, while the conclusion should summarize the main points and restate the writer's opinion.
coherence cohesion
Develop main points with specific examples and explanations to support the argument. Avoid generalizations and ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea.
task achievement
Ensure you fully address each part of the task. Discuss both views presented in the question and provide a clear, final opinion supported by the content of your essay.
task achievement
Present clear and comprehensive ideas, making sure they are relevant to the question. Avoid including irrelevant details or going off-topic.
task achievement
Back up your points with specific examples or evidence. Personal examples are acceptable, but they should be relevant and contribute to the argument you are making.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
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