IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information below. You should write at least 150 words. You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

#report #university #lecturer #information #minutes
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The graphs show
health
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 and
education
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 spending and changes in both life expectancy and infant mortality in the UAE. In general, as the proportion of expenditure on
health
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 and
education
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 increases, newborn deaths and longevity improve. Chart 1 compares
health
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 and
education
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 expenditure as a percentage of GDP between 1985 and 1993. Both sectors experienced significant growth.
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Health care
Correct your spelling
Healthcare
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 expenditure was about 8 per
cent
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 in 1985 but rose to 9 per
cent
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 in 1990 and up to 10 per
cent
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 in 1993.
Education
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 expenses were even higher. In 1985 they were 10 per
cent
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, grew to 14 per
cent
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 in 1990 and
then
Linking Words
 to 15 per
cent
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 in 1993, a growth of 50 per
cent
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 in just 8 years. Graphic 2 shows the increase in life duration and infant morbidity between 1970 and 1992. In 1970, the average age of life expectancy was only 60 years, but in 1992 it climbed to almost 72 years.
Conversely
Linking Words
, the number of babies
dies
Wrong verb form
dying
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 decreased dramatically, from 60 per 1,000 people in 1970 to only 22 in 1992. To summarise, people in the UAE are living longer and healthier lives thanks to government spending on
education
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 and
health
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 facilities.
Submitted by yulyawashington on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the data presented and effectively conveys the information. To improve the coherence and cohesion, consider adding more connectors and transition phrases to better link your points and ensure smoother flow. For instance, using phrases like 'Moreover,' 'Additionally,' or 'Furthermore' can enhance the readability.
task achievement
For task achievement, while the response is quite comprehensive, you could provide a more detailed analysis of the trends. For example, mentioning potential reasons behind the increased government spending on health and education could enrich your essay.
task achievement
Be mindful of small inaccuracies or awkward phrasing. For example, 'Education expenses were even higher' could be more precisely rephrased to 'Education expenditure was even higher.' Additionally, 'the number of babies dies' should be changed to 'the number of babies that died.' Paying attention to these details can improve the overall quality of your writing.
introduction conclusion
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the analysis, and your conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points, emphasizing the positive impact of increased government spending on health and education in the UAE.
supported main points
The essay includes relevant and specific data points that provide a clear illustration of the trends over time, showing a good grasp of the information presented in the charts.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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