IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

We live in a world in which we are constantly exposed to advertising. To what extent does advertising influence our choices as consumers and what effect does it have on our lifestyle? Discuss this issue and give your opinion.

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In the current era, advertisements are ubiquitous in everyone's daily life,
such
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 as on TV, on
radio
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the radio
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, on
the
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apply
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billboards,
on
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and on
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a
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apply
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page
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pages
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people
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 are viewing on their phones and computers. Some
people
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 say that advertisements are informative which are useful in our lives,
however
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, I reckon that the negative effects
outweight
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outweigh
 the benefits. Admittedly, advertising can help consumers make informed choices by highlighting the features and benefits of a product. Based on the products' features,
audience
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the audience
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 can easily decide which one is the best fit
according to
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 their age,
affordibility
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affordability
 and
the
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apply
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practical use.
For example
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, the launch of the new energy car may bring
people
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 knowledge of
this
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 commodity
thus
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 evaluating their
puchase
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purchase
 capacity to own
such
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 a car.
On the contrary
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, it can
also
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 lead to impulsive buying, materialism, and unrealistic expectations. For the purpose of drawing
audience's
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the audience's
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 attention, many
advertisenments
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advertisements
 are
over exaggerated
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over-exaggerated
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,
as a result
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,
arbitary
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arbitrary
 decisions and excessive expenditure become a common phenomenon. Even worse,
propagandas
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propaganda
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 may provide false or misleading information
due to
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 the limited length
of
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apply
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them
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apply
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which may
impose
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put
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 the users in danger.
For example
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, a short advert on TV cannot show a full instruction
of
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for
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 a washing machine,
therefore
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, it shows a woman simply
presses
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pressing
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 a button and all
in
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of
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 a sudden the laundry has been done perfectly. The reality is, without proper settings and
suitable
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a suitable
the suitable
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 load of clothes, the machine can go wrong and even get burnt.
Therefore
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, advertisements may lead
people
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 to buy unnecessary commodities and
also
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 bring them unexpected
risk
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risks
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.
To conclude
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,
while
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 advertising has its benefits in creating awareness and providing information, its pervasive nature can sometimes lead to negative consequences
such
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 as consumer manipulation, increased debt
due to
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 overspending, and detrimental effects on mental health. Just as what is written in the book "Rich Dad, Poor Dad", we should "buy what we need, but not what we want".

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General
To achieve a higher score, try to use a wider range of vocabulary and more complex sentence structures. Additionally, ensure that examples provided are highly relevant and fully illustrate the points you're making.
Task Response
Ensure that all points made are directly related to the essay prompt and fully explained. Adding a few more specific examples could support your argument better.
Coherence and Cohesion
Though the essay has a logical structure and flows well, using a greater variety of transitional phrases would enhance coherence and make connections between ideas clearer.
Structure
The essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, which makes it easy to follow and understand.
Task Response
Main points are well-supported with relevant explanations, contributing to a thorough discussion of the topic.
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