IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

some people believe that watching TV is bad for children, while others claim it has positive effects for children as they grow up. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is
argured
Correct your spelling
argued
 that
bad
Correct article usage
the bad
show examples
 behaviour of
children
Use synonyms
cause
Wrong verb form
is caused
show examples
 by
Use synonyms
TV's
Change noun form
TV
show examples
programs
Use synonyms
 because of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
addiction,
while
Linking Words
 others
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
think that the lying
Use synonyms
message
Fix the agreement mistake
messages
show examples
 from those
programs
Use synonyms
 can support the growth of
children
Use synonyms
. I believe that the
censorship
Use synonyms
 from government and
parents
Use synonyms
 can lead to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
positive effects
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
children
Use synonyms
. It can be
recognzed
Correct your spelling
recognised
 that
children
Use synonyms
 can be easily addicted to watching
TV
Use synonyms
. There are more and more cartoon or education
programs
Use synonyms
 which have colourful images and vibrant
musics
Change the wording
music
kinds of music
pieces of music
show examples
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
show examples
 attract
children
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
children
Use synonyms
 get addicted to
TV
Use synonyms
programs
Use synonyms
, they spend most of
time
Correct pronoun usage
their time
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
watching
TV
Use synonyms
 which can prevent the growth
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
 and their logical thinking.
However
Linking Words
, the monitor can easily prevent the problem by
limit
Change the form of the verb
limiting
show examples
 the time
children
Use synonyms
 can spend
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
watching
TV
Use synonyms
,
also
Linking Words
 with the support from some
manage
Replace the word
management
show examples
 system, it can be easier to solve that problem.
By contrast
Linking Words
, with the improvement of
censorship
Use synonyms
. There are more and more lying
Use synonyms
message
Fix the agreement mistake
messages
show examples
 on
TV
Use synonyms
programs
Use synonyms
 for
children
Use synonyms
. It is
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 effective way to teach the
children
Use synonyms
 something when we use colours and
musics
Change the wording
music
kinds of music
pieces of music
show examples
 which
conclude
Correct subject-verb agreement
concludes
show examples
 in most
kid's
Fix the agreement mistake
kids'
show examples
programs
Use synonyms
. The
parents
Use synonyms
 want their child
learn
Add the particle
to learn
show examples
 more about the
wolrd
Correct your spelling
world
,
while
Linking Words
producer
Fix the agreement mistake
producers
show examples
 need more
viewer
Fix the agreement mistake
viewers
show examples
 for their
programs
Use synonyms
, so the
TV
Use synonyms
 chanel
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 more lying
Use synonyms
message
Fix the agreement mistake
messages
show examples
nowaday
Correct your spelling
nowadays
show examples
.
Consequently
Linking Words
, watching
TV
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 more positive effects on
children
Use synonyms
. The writer
contend
Change the verb form
contends
show examples
 that for all
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
,
it
Correct your spelling
if
show examples
 there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
stricted
Correct your spelling
strict
censorship
Use synonyms
 from
parents
Use synonyms
 and the government,
TV
Use synonyms
programs
Use synonyms
 can be the best way of education for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
.
Stricted
Correct your spelling
Strict
censorship
Use synonyms
mean
Change the verb form
means
show examples
 that there will not
any
Add a missing verb
be any
show examples
 toxic content for the
children
Use synonyms
, they can have the best environment to study which they can enjoy without the unappreciation from their
parents
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
Use synonyms
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
programs
Use synonyms
 can make
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 get addiction lead to bad behaviours,
while
Linking Words
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
also
Linking Words
 have positive effects by lying
Use synonyms
message
Fix the agreement mistake
messages
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To improve your essay, make sure to fully develop each point with specific examples and explanations. Consider elaborating on how censorship can prevent negative effects and provide tangible benefits.
coherence cohesion
Work on your logical structure to enhance the flow of ideas in your essay. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and support it with relevant information.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to grammatical and vocabulary errors. For example, use 'argued' instead of 'argured' and 'recognized' instead of 'recognzed.' Also, clarify terms like 'lying message'—you may mean 'content that supports growth.' Rephrase confusing sentences for better clarity.
introduction conclusion
Your essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing your arguments effectively.
task achievement
You have a balanced view by discussing both the positive and negative effects of TV on children, which is crucial for a well-rounded essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary behavior
  • unrealistic perceptions
  • creative pursuits
  • social development
  • emotional development
  • constructive content
  • screen time
  • parental guidance
  • critical thinking
  • active learning
  • age-appropriate
  • media literacy
  • family bonding
  • moderation
  • perceive
What to do next:
Look at other essays: