IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people fail in school, but end up being successful in life. Why do you think that is the case? What is, in your opinion, the most important thing to succeed in life?

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In many societies, obtaining formal education is a necessity and parents tend to gauge children's capability from their
school
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 scores.
However
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, there are proofs
where
Correct word choice
that
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 the individual who failed in
school
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 still
still
Remove the redundancy
apply
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succeed
Correct subject-verb agreement
succeeds
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 in work
life
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 and there is a possible answer to these cases.
While
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 formal education equips
people
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 with the initial
knowledge
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, there are essential things that have a significant part in bringing success in
life
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. Formal schools are places to educate
people
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 with theoretical
knowledge
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 in a curriculum
that is
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 prepared by the government and in my opinion, schools are not a place to gauge children's abilities in the future. Subjects that are taught
such
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 as math and science are used to gauge the quality of children's
knowledge
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,
while
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 there is no doubt that
people
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 have a lot of abilities other than what is taught in formal
school
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.
For example
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, in Indonesia, there are
people
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 who struggle with math but have talent in communication
skills
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 or design and once they are guided to pursue it they can master it in no time.
Besides
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, proper education in
school
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 can not be a measurement of
people
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's capability because it only teaches us about certain subjects
while
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 in reality, especially in work
life
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,
this
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knowledge
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 only contributes to a small amount of success. Based on the previous considerations, many have said that soft
skills
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 are the important thing to success in
life
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,
in addition
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, there are a lot of soft
skills
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such
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 as communication, adaptability and resilience. To be accepted in society, these
skills
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 are important because we interact directly and we can not learn them theoretically. What's more, in a dynamic society,
people
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 must be able to adapt to the new environment and always learn new things because being well-educated does not guarantee that
people
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 can adapt easily.
For example
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, in work
life
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 we are required to have certain technical
skills
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,
however
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, to climb higher positions, mentality and soft
skills
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 are notable things to have.
To sum up
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, it is important to have soft
skills
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 other than
knowledge
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 from a formal
school
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.
To conclude
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, failing in
school
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 does not mean that
people
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 are going to fail in
life
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 because the
school
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 only teaches theoretical
knowledge
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 and it is up to us to implement it in daily
life
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. Because of that, the important thing to have is soft
skills
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 to keep us adaptable to
life
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 which is always changing.

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task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and you provide a relatively complete response to the task. However, some parts of the essay could be more explicitly linked to each other. Make sure each paragraph logically follows from the previous one.
task achievement
Your ideas are generally clear and you made good points throughout the essay. But some sentences could be a little more concise to make your points even sharper. Focus on clarity and brevity.
task achievement
Try to use more specific examples and details in your essay. This will help make your arguments stronger and more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a good logical structure and each point is introduced in a clear manner. However, you can improve the flow between paragraphs by using more transitional phrases and linking words.
coherence cohesion
It is important that each of your main points is well-supported by relevant examples or explanations. Ensure that you delve deeper into your examples to make your arguments more robust.
coherence cohesion
Try to maintain consistent terminology and avoid repetition. This can help make your argumentation feel more fluid and cohesive.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction sets a clear context for the essay and your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points.
logical structure
You demonstrated a good logical structure throughout the essay, which makes it easier for readers to follow your arguments.
clear comprehensive ideas
You have provided generally clear and comprehensive ideas that address the essay prompt effectively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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