IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that the best way to succeed is to get a university education, while others disagree and say that it is no longer true nowadays. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.

#people #university #education
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It is widely believed that achievements are only possible with
Use synonyms
university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
educations
Fix the agreement mistake
education
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,
while
Linking Words
 the majority of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people think that practical experiences
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 a key point of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
learning. It is not surprising to see how
this
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 debate has caused
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
controversy among people,
however
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, I have solid reasons to agree with both sides which are deep learning and
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
show examples
 of time.
To begin
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 with, supporters of
this
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 matter point out that
Use synonyms
university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 is the bedrock of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
succeed
Replace the word
success
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 is because
high level
Add a hyphen
high-level
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of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 centers which are universities,
resource
Correct word choice
and resource
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 centers teach deep and crucial information.
For example
Linking Words
, students who graduated from
university
Use synonyms
 cognitive reactions are better than others.
This
Linking Words
 is
very
Correct article usage
a very
show examples
 convincing argument depending on the fact that students should dedicate
theirself
Correct your spelling
themselves
show examples
 to
achieve
Wrong verb form
achieving
show examples
 something in the
university
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
. In short, the advocates of
this
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 matter claim that educational achievement can only compare to
get
Wrong verb form
getting
show examples
 a
university
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, opponents of
this
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 matter have a totally different perspective. They emphasize that only students who want to be academic
tutor
Fix the agreement mistake
tutors
show examples
 like
professor
Fix the agreement mistake
professors
show examples
 should go to the
university
Use synonyms
,
otherwise
Linking Words
, they believe that it is a waste of time.
For example
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, many sources show that companies prefer to work with employees who have
a long-term working experiences
Correct the article-noun agreement
a long-term working experience
long-term working experiences
show examples
.
This
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 is a persuasive point
out
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that academic
back ground
Correct your spelling
background
show examples
 is not
important
Rephrase
as important
show examples
 as practical learning for
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
succeed
Replace the word
success
show examples
.
Also
Linking Words
, thanks to technology there are various sources on the Internet for learning new
topic
Fix the agreement mistake
topics
show examples
.
Therefore
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, it is not
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 obligation for pupils to get
Use synonyms
university
Add an article
a university
show examples
education
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 succeed. In conclusion, people have a totally different view about
this
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 debate.
Nevertheless
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, when everything is considered, I am inclined to believe that there should be a delicate balance between these two arguments.
Submitted by emiretatli7 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is good. However, ensure that your arguments within the body paragraphs are more logically structured. Use topic sentences and transitions to ensure that your points flow well.
task response
While you have responded to the task and discussed both views, make sure each paragraph addresses a single main point clearly. Avoid introducing too many ideas within one paragraph. This will help make your argument more comprehensive.
task response
Improve the specificity and relevance of your examples. Use clear, specific instances to support your arguments more effectively.
task response
Your intention to discuss both perspectives and offer your own opinion is clear and aligns well with the task requirements.
supported main points
You have provided some convincing arguments and examples, especially when discussing the differing viewpoints on the necessity of university education.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • university education
  • higher pay
  • sweated and sacrificed
  • higher education
  • time, effort, and financial investment
  • specialized knowledge and skills
  • job prospects
  • economic contributions
  • valuable contributions
  • fairness and equality
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