IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities , so that population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think it is a positive or a negative development?

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Migrations from suburbs to metropolitan have become a trend all over the world. In many states, across the world, rural peasants are moving to cities for modern amenities. From my perspective,
this
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 is a negative development. In
this
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 essay , I will elaborate on my view with reasons
as well as
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 examples.
To begin
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 with, one of the most significant drawbacks is the exacerbation of air pollution in cities.
This
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 is mainly because more
people
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 migrate from rural
areas
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 to cities , and they will drive their personal vehicles.
As a result
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 , the number of automobiles will increase which releases several toxic gases into the atmosphere
such
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 as carbon dioxide, nitrogen oxide and so on . The emission of these gases causes air pollution which is too injurious to the health of the public .
For instance
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 , in 2020, in Afghanistan , a large proportion of
people
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 moved from urban sectors to Kabul for varieties of jobs and they used their own vehicles which polluted the environment Afghanistan's government reported that the migration of
people
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 caused too much pollution in Kabul . Another contributing factor is that if a large number of
people
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 travel towards the developed
areas
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then
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 the statistics of agriculturists will decrease in villages . If the number of farmers decreases
then
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 cultivation of crops will
also
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 decrease which results in a shortage of food supply . It will directly affect the economy of the country. Take America as an example , many
people
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 migrated from rural
areas
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 toward New York in 2016 ,
due to
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 which America lost its monopoly in apple production.
To conclude
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 , the disadvantages of migration outweigh its benefits
such
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 as air contamination and loss of economic growth. I personally believe that the state should provide the rural
people
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 with adequate facilities so that they don't try to migrate from rural
areas
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 to urban
areas
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 .

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear stance on the issue and addresses both aspects of the question. However, try to enrich your response by discussing potential counterarguments. This shows a deeper understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures to enhance readability. Using more complex sentences alongside simple and compound ones provides a natural flow.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction is clear and well-structured, presenting a clear opinion and setting the stage for the discussion.
supported main points
Main points are well-developed and supported with relevant examples, making your arguments strong and convincing.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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