IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

With an increasing population working from home, some feel that this will bring an end to the traditional office setting. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#population #home #feel #office
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is no denying the fact that the rate of people who
work
 at home is increasing dramatically these days.
while
 it is a commonly held belief that there is an ongoing debate about traditional jobs, will disappear, there is
also
 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that having a traditional job office is important for communications and other factors.
To begin
 with, we should have a place for the workers to communicate with each other.
In other words
, many employees will need to discuss things about the project or interact face-to-face to enhance their abilities.
In addition
, the traditional office setting is significant for developing the company, because having a
work
 environment will encourage the workers to perform well and support each other.
For example
, if we have a place that gathers the teamwork to
work
 and discuss projects and future goals,
then
 the company will thrive. Another point to consider, working remotely can affect our social skills. It is
also
 possible to say that, staying at home all night
due to
work
 can cause serious problems
such
 as, not understanding body language and laziness.
Moreover
, it can make individuals unproductive and prevent them from thinking outside of the box.
For instance
, a recent article published in Scientific American revealed, that staying at home without going to the actual job will limit their critical thinking
as well as
 their social skills. To encapsulate the essence of everything said above, despite people having different views, I believe that having a production environment is essential for our productivity and social skills.
Submitted by deemaalkhathlan1 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure consistency in your argument. While you advocate for the traditional office setting, acknowledge more clearly the counterarguments that favor working from home.
task achievement
Provide more detailed and specific examples to support your points. This will enhance the credibility of your arguments.
task achievement
Avoid minor grammatical errors and improve sentence structures to ensure clearer communication. For instance, 'staying at home all night' should be 'staying at home all day'.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, giving a clear overview of the arguments and summarizing the essay effectively.
task achievement
You have provided clear and comprehensive ideas that are easy to follow.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: