some people think the most important thing being rich is that it gives an opportunity to help other. agree or disagree

It is commonly believed that the rich must take responsibility for supporting the lower
class
in society.
However
,
this
essay argues against
this
assumption for two primary reasons: the right of the wealthy to enjoy their hard-earned money and the potential for over-reliance on charity among the poor.
Firstly
, it is crucial to understand that the upper
class
should be free to use their wealth for their own purposes, particularly in maintaining their lavish lifestyles. These individuals have typically spent many years working diligently to accumulate their wealth. Becoming wealthy requires not only persistence and intelligence but
also
the ability to overcome significant hardships.
Thus
, it is not imperative for them to share their property to assist others.
For instance
, a successful entrepreneur who has invested decades in building a business should be able to reap the rewards of their efforts without feeling obligated to redistribute their earnings.
Therefore
, the rich should use their money to enhance their living conditions as a reward for their previous
endeavors
Change the spelling
endeavours
show examples
.
Secondly
, another drawback of supporting the poor is the risk of fostering over-dependence on financial aid from the higher
class
. When wealthy individuals subsidize the poor without requiring any effort in return, it can create a sense of entitlement and complacency. To a certain extent, the lower
class
may start to view themselves as vulnerable and unfortunate, merely waiting to receive money from others.
As a result
, they may not strive to work to their fullest potential to improve their own financial situations.
For example
, some communities that rely heavily on external donations may lack the motivation to develop sustainable economic practices, perpetuating a cycle of dependency. In conclusion, the rich should not be held accountable for assisting the lower
class
primarily because they have the right to enjoy their wealth and because excessive reliance on charity can inhibit the poor from becoming self-sufficient. It is essential for the lower
class
to seek opportunities and build their capabilities to improve their circumstances independently.
Thus
, fostering a sense of personal responsibility and initiative is crucial for societal progress.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay can benefit from introducing more varied sentence structures and vocabulary to make the writing more engaging. This will help in breaking any monotony and will give more depth to your writing.
Task Achievement
While your main points are well supported, you could further enhance your argument by including some counterarguments and refuting them effectively. This would showcase a more balanced view and a deeper critical analysis.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay has a very clear introduction and conclusion, making it easy to follow the overall argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is very strong. Each paragraph flows naturally into the next, and there is a clear progression of ideas.
Task Achievement
You have supported your main points with relevant examples, making your arguments more convincing.

Your opinion

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