IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 1

Computers are being used more and more in education. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages and give your own opinion.

#computers #education
In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recent
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
, other people
say
Wrong verb form
have said
show examples
 that should spend a lot of time and
money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
protection
Add an article
the protection
show examples
 of wild
animals
.
Besides
, we
also
 spend
money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
human
Add an article
the human
show examples
 population to improve their life. In my view, I agree with
this
 opinion. There is no denying that we should spend a huge amount of
money
 can protect wild
animals
.
Firstly
, wild
animals
 help balance the ecosystem and help improve the air better. It
play
Change the verb form
plays
show examples
 an important role in
food
Add an article
the food
show examples
 chain.
Moreover
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
protecting wild
animals
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
study and
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
understand
On the other hand
, investing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 is the best
opinion
Correct your spelling
option
show examples
.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 should invest a lot of
money
 in education and medicine
such
 as buying
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
new equipment for
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 and anyone. In conclusion,
besides
the spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
 a huge amount of
money
 and time to protect
animals
, we
also
 spend
money
 for
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 in the world.
Submitted by anhpham.712688 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider providing a clearer thesis statement in your introduction to outline the main points you will discuss in your essay. For example, specify that you will address both the importance of investing in wild animal protection and in human welfare.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea for better clarity. For instance, one paragraph can detail the importance of spending money on wild animals, while another can focus on the benefits for human populations.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. For example, mention specific species that are endangered or specific improvements in human life that result from better education or healthcare.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points of the essay, which helps reinforce the arguments presented.
task achievement
The essay covers both aspects of the topic, which shows a balanced approach to the discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Interactive learning tools
  • 2. Multimedia presentations
  • 3. Online resources
  • 4. Distance learning
  • 5. Remote areas
  • 6. Digital literacy
  • 7. Problem-solving
  • 8. Critical thinking
  • 9. Technology-driven world
  • 10. Digital textbooks
  • 11. Administrative tasks
  • 12. Cost-effective
  • 13. Distraction
  • 14. Social media
  • 15. Over-reliance
  • 16. Traditional skills
  • 17. Handwriting
  • 18. Face-to-face communication
  • 19. Technical problems
  • 20. Digital divide
  • 21. Inequality
  • 22. Educational opportunities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: