IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

In the last decade, there has been a great increase in global air travel. What do you think are the reasons for this and do you think it is a good thing?

#decade #air #travel
Over the
last
 few
years
Add a comma
years,
show examples
 the
number
 of
air
 passengers has increased dramatically. There are a
number
 of reasons for
this
 increase with some corresponding benefits.
However
, it has
also
 caused some problems with regard to the environment. There are three main reasons for the growth in
air
travel
, namely reduced costs, more convenience and an improved network. As regards the cost, there are now many budget airlines offering
low cost
Add a hyphen
low-cost
show examples
 flights.
This
 has meant that other airlines have lowered their fares in order to compete.
Furthermore
,
people
 are now able to book their own flights online as opposed to through a
travel
 agent, ensuring that they get the best price.
Finally
, with more international airports than ever before, it is much easier to fly than in the past. Generally, these changes have been mostly positive for
people
.
Air
travel
 is no longer limited to the wealthy and more
people
 have been offered the chance to experience new cultures and experience new things.
Additionally
, more families are able to
travel
 abroad for holidays than in the past. Despite these benefits for
people
,
air
travel
 has had a negative effect on the environment.
This
 is mostly because aviation fuel produces a large volume of greenhouse gasses which in turn cause climate change.
Furthermore
, the increased
number
 of flights has led to more noise pollution which affects the quality of life for many
people
.
Finally
Add a comma
Finally,
show examples
 it can be argued that airports have a negative impact on the surrounding country and wildlife. In conclusion, it is evident that there are a
number
 of reasons for the increase in
air
travel
 and that
this
 rise has been largely beneficial on an individual level.
However
, the environmental impact of
air
travel
 needs careful consideration.
Submitted by bucciarellianna3 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
While the essay addresses the task comprehensively and presents clear ideas, it would benefit from more specific examples or evidence to strengthen your points. Including statistics, anecdotes, or case studies could help in making your arguments more compelling.
coherence and cohesion
The main points are well-organized and there's a clear logical structure. However, the essay would be even stronger if there was a smoother transition between some ideas and paragraphs. Consider using more cohesive devices to tie your arguments together seamlessly.
task response
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion. Each paragraph logically flows to the next, making it easy to follow your argument.
task response
There is a good balance between discussing the reasons for increased air travel and addressing its benefits and drawbacks, demonstrating a nuanced understanding of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Economic growth
  • Disposable income
  • Aviation technology
  • Efficient
  • Proliferation
  • Budget airlines
  • Globalization
  • Tourism
  • Social media
  • Promotional activities
  • Economic development
  • Cultural exchange
  • Environmental impact
  • Carbon emissions
  • Climate change
  • Over-tourism
  • Local resources
What to do next:
Look at other essays: