IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people think schools should teach students to form good behaviour in addition to providing formal education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #schools #students #form #behaviour #addition #education
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It is sometimes argued that
students
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 should be educated to conduct themselves in good
manners
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besides
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 normal courses. Personally, I completely agree with
this
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 idea. Some
people
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 consider schools as institutions merely for taking classes and learning knowledge, because they believe that the purpose of attending schools is to acquire high academic qualifications and well-paid jobs.
However
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, in my opinion,
this
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 view ignores the importance of behavioural education.
Firstly
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, good
manners
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 help
students
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 better integrate into the school community.
Students
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 are supposed to learn to get
along with
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 their classmates and teachers since they usually stay with classes or groups of
people
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 when they are on campus. If they have terrible
manners
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, they will hardly build reliable friendships with their mates and may fail to complete assignments which require cooperation.
Therefore
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, educators should include behaviour teaching into their curriculums to help
students
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 merge with schoolmates.
Secondly
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, education in
manners
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 benefits an individual’s lifelong behavioural habits.
For example
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, a person whose behaviour was regulated in his childhood tends to be more popular and reliable when he is out in the workforce. In fact,
people
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 barely change their behavioural patterns after they are grown up, so good
manners
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 should be cultivated when they are young. Teachers should take responsibility for educating children on how to conduct themselves because
people
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 tend to spend most of their time on campus in their youth. In conclusion, I think it is necessary to require educators to build the right behavioural habits for their
students
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 other than academic education, which is conducive to
people
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’s growth.
Submitted by Tess on

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coherence cohesion
One area for improvement is the use of more varied and sophisticated linking words and phrases to ensure smooth transitions between ideas and paragraphs. This would improve the flow of the essay.
task achievement
Include more specific examples or anecdotes to support your arguments. This will help strengthen your points and make them more relatable.
task achievement
The essay provides a complete and well-rounded response to the prompt. It addresses both the necessity and benefits of teaching good behavior in schools.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-written, clearly framing the argument and summarizing the key points effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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