IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that social networking sites have a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree？

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It is argued that digital networking
platforms
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 could have positive effects on the young generation,
whereas
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 other opinions are towards the negative sides of social media sites. In
this
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 essay, I will delve into the upsides and downsides of
this
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 issue.
To begin
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 with, it is undeniable that we are surrounded by technology in our daily lives, which provides a great amount of opportunities for young
people
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. First of all, we can keep up with the global world with the help of digital
platforms
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.
For example
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, when the earthquake hit Turkiye in 2023, young
people
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 saw the disaster and took various actions to help
people
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.
Besides
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, young
people
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 need job vacancies and they had better socialize and broaden their horizons by networking.
Linkedin
Correct your spelling
LinkedIn
show examples
,
for instance
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, is a great way of contacting other
people
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 all around the world. On the other side, social media
platforms
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 could have many disadvantages. Nowadays, young
people
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 are distracted by many things, and digital
platforms
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, I strongly believe, are the most prominent ones. Teenagers are spending quite an amount of time on their phones or tablets, which causes them not to focus on their studies.
Moreover
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, many psychologists suggest that social media
platforms
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 create beauty standards that most
people
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 desire to have.
For instance
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, eyelash lifting or dark eyebrows are quite popular among young
people
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.
Thus
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, they lose their self-confidence, which damages their relationships. In conclusion, it is inevitable to refrain from digital
platforms
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 even if they have pros and cons. The important
this
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 is to know how to balance it and use it in effective ways.

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples and expanding on them to strengthen the arguments. For instance, instead of a general statement about teenagers being distracted, provide specific data or studies that support this claim.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are strong, but you could enhance them by succinctly summarizing your key points in the conclusion to reinforce your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. Although the logical structure is good, using more transition words or phrases could improve the flow of the essay.
task achievement
The essay provides a well-balanced argument by discussing both the positive and negative impacts of social networking sites.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly states the topic and the intention of the essay, which effectively sets the stage for the discussion.
task achievement
Relevant examples such as the earthquake in Turkey and LinkedIn are used to support the main points, adding credibility to the arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cyberbullying
  • Misinformation
  • Isolation
  • Consumerism
  • Echo chambers
  • Polarization
  • Data breach
  • Targeted advertising
  • Social skills
  • Privacy concerns
  • Online learning
  • Face-to-face interaction
  • Negative impact
  • Mental health
  • Social movements
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