IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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in the current climate,the percentage of
prisoner
Fix the agreement mistake
prisoners
show examples
 is now rising in other countries so
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
governments are looking for measures to cope
from
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the
opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
show examples
 of the people. Some people
said
Wrong verb form
say
show examples
 that the best solution to decrease
crime
Use synonyms
 is to give longer prison sentences
while
Linking Words
 others believe that there are better
transformation
Replace the word
transformative
show examples
 ways of reducing
crime
Use synonyms
. Two aforementioned views are discussed thoroughly in the paraphrase before presenting in the conclusion. on the one hand, there are many
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
show examples
 why some people believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
longer prison sentences
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 the best way to reduce and punish
crime
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 causes criminals to be isolated from society so that they
did
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 not have the opportunity to cause the
crime
Use synonyms
.
Then
Linking Words
, it
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 them recognize their sins by negative role
model
Fix the agreement mistake
models
show examples
 from
inmate
Fix the agreement mistake
inmates
show examples
. At the same time, It sets an example for society in general and
criminal
Fix the agreement mistake
criminals
show examples
in particular
Linking Words
.
on the other hand
Linking Words
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 strongly believe that there are more
effectively
Change the word
effective
show examples
 alternatives to reducing
crime
Use synonyms
. There are ways to replace better imprisonment so that the trial is fair for the
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 of the
crime
Use synonyms
.
Example
Change preposition
For example
show examples
, criminals when going to prison will have to do social work for them to rehabilitate and exercise. Exile is the best way for
convict
Fix the agreement mistake
convicts
show examples
, they
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
recognize the mistake they
did
Verb problem
made
show examples
. At the same time,
prisoner
Fix the agreement mistake
prisoners
show examples
 improve discipline and responsibility,
prevent
Wrong verb form
preventing
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 commit
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
. In short, the
increase
Replace the word
increased
show examples
 sentence
make determent
Wrong verb form
deter
show examples
 crimes
occurring
Verb problem
apply
show examples
while
Linking Words
 the
alternatives
Change the noun form
alternative
show examples
 rule
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 prisoner feel obsessed
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their own crimes. In my opinion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think
change
Wrong verb form
changing
show examples
legal
Correct article usage
the legal
show examples
 system is the best way
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 punish crimes.

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coherence and cohesion
Improve the clarity and coherence of your ideas. Use linking words to connect your thoughts and improve the flow of the essay.
task achievement
Make sure to provide specific examples when discussing both views. This will help illustrate your points more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Revise your grammar and sentence structure for grammatical accuracy. This will enhance the overall readability of your essay.
task achievement
You have taken a clear stance on the issue, which demonstrates engagement with the topic.
task achievement
You presented both sides of the argument, which is essential for a balanced discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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