IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Art classes, such as painting and drawing, are as important to child’s development as other subjects so it should be compulsory in high schools. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

There are arguments that
art
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classes
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 including painting and drawing are as vital to
children’s
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 development as other core subjects so
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 should be necessary
in
Change the preposition
for
show examples
 high schools.
This
Linking Words
 writer agrees with
this
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 statement because of the improvement in
children’s
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mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
 and will show the point of view in
this
Linking Words
 writing essay. It is evident that
art
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lessons
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also
Linking Words
 help children
improving
Change the form of the verb
improve
show examples
 their thinking ways. Learning about painting and drawing encourages
students
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 to think creatively or portray their pictures
according to
Linking Words
 their opinions.
Moreover
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, children
also
Linking Words
 can react flexibly when they face
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
real problems. To compare
are
Correct your spelling
our
show examples
 learners and the others who
are not enroll
Change the verb form
are not enrolled
show examples
 in these
classes
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, it can be seen that
art
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students
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 can make decisions faster and more
creative
Change the word
creatively
show examples
 than
students
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 who do not learn about
art
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.
Additionally
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, the ways that
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
students
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 look at things are stranger than the others,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 leads to the uniqueness of each person. Not only that studying
art
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also
Linking Words
 helps
students
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 to refresh their
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
. It can be observed that the stress
comes
Correct pronoun usage
that comes
show examples
 from learning core subjects like math or chemistry
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 a lot so
students
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 need to have some
lessons
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 that help them to feel more comfortable.
Due to
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this
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, choosing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
subjects like drawing and painting is the best way to release
children’s
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 stress.
Besides
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 that, individuals who participate in
art
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classes
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 after school can work much more effectively so they can perform better at school.
To conclude
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, joining
art
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classes
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 crucial for
children’s
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 development
according to
Linking Words
it
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 benefits and schools have to allocate these
lessons
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 to their curriculum. Unfortunately, not having opportunities to learn about
art
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 but in the
future
Add a comma
future,
show examples
this
Linking Words
 writer may
enrolls
Wrong verb form
enrol
show examples
 in these
lessons
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines the main points you will discuss in the essay. This sets a clear expectation for the reader.
task achievement
Work on improving sentence structures and grammar to convey ideas more clearly and professionally.
task achievement
Add more relevant and specific examples to support your points. For instance, you could include studies or expert opinions on the benefits of art education.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single clear idea to improve coherence. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between paragraphs by using transitional phrases or sentences that link the ideas logically.
task achievement
The essay topic is clearly addressed, showing that you understand the task requirements.
coherence cohesion
You have made a commendable effort to structure the essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
The essay provides several reasons why art classes are beneficial, demonstrating a good level of engagement with the topic.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cognitive development
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Emotional expression
  • Mental health
  • Cultural awareness
  • Diversity and inclusion
  • Fine motor skills
  • Hand-eye coordination
  • Academic performance
  • Artistic engagement
  • Career opportunities
  • Creative fields
  • Graphic design
  • Architecture
  • Game development
What to do next:
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