parents of obese children should be punished for making them fat ? dDo you agree or disagree?

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It is

agrued

Correct your spelling

argued

agreed

that

mother

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mothers

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and

father

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fathers

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of overweight kids should be penalized

due to

Linking Words

supporting them to be fat.

This

Linking Words

essay disagrees with

this

Linking Words

statement because obesity can be caused by genetics and

children

Use synonyms

usually eat unhealthy food outside of the home.

Firstly

Linking Words

, one of the

reason

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reasons

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children

Use synonyms

become obese is genetics.

Actually

Add a comma

Actually,

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kids receive the genes from

older

Add an article

the older

an older

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generation of their family.

Therefore

Linking Words

, if someone has a slow metabolism, they are naturally inclined to gain more fat.

For instance

Linking Words

, a recent study found that 30 % of the

children

Use synonyms

in North America suffer from morbid obesity

due to

Linking Words

genetic disorders.

Secondly

Linking Words

, adults are not with their kids all day. When

children

Use synonyms

are at school they eat snacks and adults have no control over their dietary intake during

this

Linking Words

time. A child could consume the majority of their calories during

Linking Words

this

Correct determiner usage

these

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unsupervised periods without their parents and much of

this

Linking Words

eat

Wrong verb form

eating

show examples

junk food in

this

Linking Words

moment.

For example

Linking Words

, recent research concluded that more than 70% of middle school students prefer

Correct article usage

a humburger

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humburger

Correct your spelling

hamburger

hamburgers

hotdog

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hotdogs

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Correct article usage

apply

show examples

lunch in the school cafeterias. In conclusion, parents should not be sanctioned if their sons

Correct your spelling

show examples

daughters are too heavy because they are unable to supervise their diet during the day and genes play a main role in the weight of a human being.

janmuldayevaa1Fri May 24 2024

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grammar

Ensure to proofread your essay for minor spelling and grammatical errors. For instance, 'agrued' should be 'argued' and 'adults are not with their kids all day' should have only one space between 'adults' and 'are'.

development

Try to develop more comprehensive arguments and provide more specific details to support your main points. For example, mention specific actions parents can take to control their children's diet even when they are not with them.

coherence

Enhance the logical flow by using more transition words and phrases. This will help connect your ideas more smoothly. For instance, use phrases like 'In addition', 'Furthermore', or 'On the other hand' to introduce new points.

structure

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in maintaining a coherent structure.

examples

You provided relevant examples to support your points, such as mentioning the study about genetic disorders and the research on schoolchildren's eating habits.

clarity

Your ideas are clear and easy to understand, contributing to a well-rounded argument against penalizing parents for their children's obesity.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

220 words

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parents of obese children should be punished for making them fat ? dDo you agree or disagree?

Your opinion

thenumber of children that read books for fun has dropped dramatically in recent years.What are the reasons and how can we encourage children to read more

In many countries, children are overweight and un healthy.Some people think the government should be held accountable.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crimes” Discuss both views and give your opinion. Show ideas and vocabulary / Find essays with the same topic / Report

Many people believe that companies and individuals should pay to clean up the environment in proportion to the amount of pollution they have produced. To what extent to you agree or disagree?