parents of obese children should be punished for making them fat ? dDo you agree or disagree?

It is
agrued
Correct your spelling
argued
agreed
that
mother
Fix the agreement mistake
mothers
show examples
and
father
Fix the agreement mistake
fathers
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of overweight kids should be penalized
due to
supporting them to be fat.
This
essay disagrees with
this
statement because obesity can be caused by genetics and
children
usually eat unhealthy food outside of the home.
Firstly
, one of the
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
show examples
children
become obese is genetics.
Actually
Add a comma
Actually,
show examples
kids receive the genes from
older
Add an article
the older
an older
show examples
generation of their family.
Therefore
, if someone has a slow metabolism, they are naturally inclined to gain more fat.
For instance
, a recent study found that 30 % of the
children
in North America suffer from morbid obesity
due to
genetic disorders.
Secondly
, adults are not with their kids all day. When
children
are at school they eat snacks and adults have no control over their dietary intake during
this
time. A child could consume the majority of their calories during
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
unsupervised periods without their parents and much of
this
eat
Wrong verb form
eating
show examples
junk food in
this
moment.
For example
, recent research concluded that more than 70% of middle school students prefer
Correct article usage
a humburger
show examples
humburger
Correct your spelling
hamburger
hamburgers
or
hotdog
Fix the agreement mistake
hotdogs
show examples
as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
lunch in the school cafeterias. In conclusion, parents should not be sanctioned if their sons
of
Correct your spelling
or
show examples
daughters are too heavy because they are unable to supervise their diet during the day and genes play a main role in the weight of a human being.
Submitted by janmuldayevaa1 on

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grammar
Ensure to proofread your essay for minor spelling and grammatical errors. For instance, 'agrued' should be 'argued' and 'adults are not with their kids all day' should have only one space between 'adults' and 'are'.
development
Try to develop more comprehensive arguments and provide more specific details to support your main points. For example, mention specific actions parents can take to control their children's diet even when they are not with them.
coherence
Enhance the logical flow by using more transition words and phrases. This will help connect your ideas more smoothly. For instance, use phrases like 'In addition', 'Furthermore', or 'On the other hand' to introduce new points.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in maintaining a coherent structure.
examples
You provided relevant examples to support your points, such as mentioning the study about genetic disorders and the research on schoolchildren's eating habits.
clarity
Your ideas are clear and easy to understand, contributing to a well-rounded argument against penalizing parents for their children's obesity.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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