IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

More and more people are relying on their private cars as a major means of transportation. Describe some of the problems over-reliance on cars can cause, and suggest at least one possible solution.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Without clean oxygen, humans cannot live on
earth
Capitalize word
Earth
show examples
.Many human beings are currently using private vehicles as the only convenient
transport
Use synonyms
 system,
however
Linking Words
,
cars
Use synonyms
 can cause some drawbacks around the world
such
Linking Words
 as
pollution
Use synonyms
 and it is
also
Linking Words
 expensive to use.
Thus
Linking Words
, the government must introduce electric
cars
Use synonyms
 with less
pollution
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, vans can pollute oxygen which is important to human lives,
then
Linking Words
 if
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
breath
Replace the word
breathe
show examples
 intoxicated air, they will suffer from lung diseases
such
Linking Words
 as lung cancer.An example to illustrate that could be in my native country Zimbabwe,
almost
Rephrase
where almost
show examples
 35
per cer
Correct your spelling
per cent
 of the population
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 suffering from diseases which are coming from inhaling fumes of the vehicles.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the
authority
Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
show examples
 should ban all diesel and petrol engines and
then
Linking Words
 introduce electric
cars
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 can be done to reduce or even stop air
pollution
Use synonyms
 around the nation, at the same time, the society will remain healthy.
Moreover
Linking Words
, using autos as a major type of
transport
Use synonyms
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will be expensive
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the community.
This
Linking Words
 is clearly shown by those who are using
auto mobiles
Correct your spelling
automobiles
show examples
 to and from their
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 since they
are suppose
Change the verb form
are supposed
show examples
 to buy fuel almost every day.
For example
Linking Words
, people in London,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are complaining about using private motors because they are using more money on their
cars
Use synonyms
 for insurance,
maintainance
Correct your spelling
maintenance
as well as
Linking Words
 buying gas.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the administration should
also
Linking Words
 provide many electric public
transport
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
buses
Change preposition
as buses
show examples
 and city trams to help all civil servants.
To conclude
Linking Words
, using motor vehicles as a means of
transpotation
Correct your spelling
transportation
 nowadays it's very expensive, and it can cause some diseases
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society, meanwhile, the state must introduce electric public
transport
Use synonyms
 to reduce air
pollution
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic and presents some relevant points, but it can benefit from more detailed explanations and support for each argument. Try to expand on each point to provide more depth.
coherence cohesion
There are some coherence and cohesion issues. Ensure seamless transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Additionally, avoid abrupt endings and try to connect your conclusion more naturally to the main body.
general
Focus on proofreading your essay for grammatical errors and improving sentence structure to make your arguments clearer and more precise.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which helps in delivering the message logically.
task achievement
You have provided specific examples to support your points, which adds credibility to your arguments.
task achievement
The main points are clearly identified and relevant to the topic, addressing multiple aspects of the issue.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Over-reliance
  • Transportation
  • Environmental degradation
  • Air pollution
  • Greenhouse gas emissions
  • Noise pollution
  • Traffic congestion
  • Urban sprawl
  • Natural resources
  • Fossil fuels
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Public transportation
  • Carpooling
  • Ridesharing
  • Urban planning
  • Mixed-use developments
  • Commutes
What to do next:
Look at other essays: