IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

People are less fit and active nowadays than in the past. What are the reasons for this? What measure can be taken to fix this?

#people #measure
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Nowadays the vast majority of people are considered unhealthy and non-active. The key problem is the
food
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 preferences that changed over the years. In order to solve the current issue government should make bioproducts more affordable in the country. For many years people have developed new habits of
food
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 consumption. The new trend provides mostly frozen and fast
food
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 options from shops to restaurants. Because of time shortage and affordability, most customers prefer that
food
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 category over fresh products. Matter of fact these products have more calories and less nutrition,
hence
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 human body is unable to process daily nutrition values from consumption and it makes consumers lazier in their daily lives. Recent research at the University of California revealed the cost of monthly natural product use not being compatible with the average salary in the country.
For
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this
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 reason, most buyers prefer foods that are less pricey. In order to fix the problem natural
food
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 options should be affordable and accessible for everyone. Admittedly, growing production quality and creating fair trading should be the main purpose set by the government as
this
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 matters the county's fate over general health issues. That way every individual can build healthy eating habits and bring awareness to the inclusivity of energy-valued foods that gradually will improve quality of life in a short amount of time. A healthy and fit body shape will help any individual become more productive over time. In conclusion, unhealthy and nutritionally unstable
food
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 consumption poses a threat to obesity and creates possible health problems for people. The best way to solve the issue is for product availability should be more towards biological production and reasonable pricing options.
Submitted by musayevjahangir on

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task achievement
To enhance the essay, further develop the body paragraphs by adding more detailed supporting evidence and examples. This will strengthen your main points and make your argument more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Consider refining the introduction and conclusion to ensure they clearly frame and summarize the essay's main points. This will create a more cohesive and coherent structure.
coherence cohesion
Work on varying sentence structures and using more transitional phrases to improve the flow and cohesion of the essay. This will help connect ideas smoothly.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion that frame your essay well. This is important for achieving a coherent structure.
task achievement
The essay consistently addresses the task by discussing the reasons behind the issue and suggesting measures to fix it. This demonstrates a solid understanding of the task response.
task achievement
Your ideas are generally clear and easy to understand, and the essay is mostly free of major language errors, which aids in communication.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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