Some people think that individuals today are more dependent on each other. Others believe people have more become more independent. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Nowadays, it is said that each person depends much more on the other.
However
, it is argued that everyone increasingly become independent. The writer of this
essay believes many public are more and more independent.
It must be understood that an enormous crowd have to adapt strongly to develop society in the present day. Community is more and more developing, cause to the requirement of qualification in performance or education is higher as well as
better. Therefore
, nations often depend on each other to help them finish production or exercise more quickly. Leads to a deeply dependence problem.
On the other hand
, some person has a confident will and they would like to develop by themselves. In education, a competitive environment often appears in schools, most of the gifted universities. Every student always tries their best to get a higher score. Independence seems to be an important item for each student. In the workplace which is the more competitive area employers also
task or conduct research.
As I see it, to be honest when I said the majority of society depends on the other one to task or study daily. All the population rather enjoy entertainment than a job, even finishing the trial without challenges or industry. Moreover
, they wish could promote through any difficulty. For example
, the homework endeavour needs to be finished, which crowds often copy or do great, then
they borrow their friends to finish.
Taking everything into account, not all of the young nowadays keep their mind based on others but generally, there is a tendency to appear in the new generation. Hopefully, favourable conditions on social media can create more opportunities for adolescents in order to develop themselfUnauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task response
Your introduction does a decent job of presenting the topic, but it could be slightly improved by more clearly stating the two different views. Try to make it clearer which side of the argument you are supporting.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure, but some paragraphs could be developed further. For instance, the main body paragraph on independence could provide more details and examples to elaborate on the points made.
task response
Support your main ideas with more specific examples. For instance, mention particular instances where people might rely on each other or show independence. This would enhance your arguments and make them more compelling.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repetition and ensure that each sentence contributes something new to the argument. This can help maintain the reader's interest and keep your essay focused.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction and conclusion, which helps the reader understand the structure of your argument. This is valuable for coherence and cohesion.
task response
You have attempted to present both sides of the argument, which is important in a discussion essay. This shows task achievement.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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