IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Smoking not only harms the smoker, but also those who are nearby. Therefore, smoking should be banned in public places. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In recent years, it is common to see
people
Use synonyms
 smoking in public places. But
according to
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 scientific research reveals, that smoking is be harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 nearby
people
Use synonyms
 than the person smoking. There is an opinion that smoking should be prohibited in public places in order to dilute the situation. Personally, I strongly agree with
this
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 statement. It is obvious that
air
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 pollution has become a severe issue around big cities, which leads to numerous respiratory problems among
people
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. I think smoking in public places worsens the situation. Smoke coming from smoking contributes to the increase in dust particles surrounding the
air
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. For instance, it is very common to observe that whenever there is someone in the family smoking, their family members
also
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 suffer from diseases
such
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 as lung cancer or birth defects. Harmful substances in tobacco include Arsenic, Benzene, Carbone monoxide and
nicotin
Correct your spelling
nicotine
. For instance ,Most of them are categorized as major
air
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 pollutants listed by UNESCO as hazardous
air
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 pollutants.
Accordingly
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, it is obviously stated that there is a significant effect of smoking on
air
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 quality
around
Change preposition
in
show examples
 crowded areas. Apart from that, some
people
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 throw the remaining part of the cigarette here and there, which can lead to unexpected fires.
Although
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 They have not done it intentionally, there was some news about
such
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 scenarios within the past year. For instance,
according to
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
, most forest fires have launched with
such
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 remaining cigarette parts
people
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 have thrown
while
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 travelling.
Nevertheless
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, in summary, Smoking can be harmful to the person who smoking,
people
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 and other living beings. These are only two reasons which I think can lead to severe health problems
as well as
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 disasters. In my opinion, it is better to prohibit smoking in public areas to minimize the adverse effects.

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task achievement
Your essay demonstrates that you have a clear opinion on the topic and provide relevant points to support your stance. However, to achieve a higher score, you need to provide more detailed and logically sound arguments to thoroughly cover the task. Some points feel repetitive, especially regarding the harm of smoking, and could be expanded with varied examples or perspectives. For example, you could discuss economic or ethical reasons for banning smoking in public places.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is coherent, there are areas that can benefit from better organization and clearer connections between ideas. The introduction and conclusion are clear, but the body paragraphs need to be more logically divided. Try to ensure each paragraph focuses on a single idea or aspect of the issue. Adding linking words and phrases can help to transition smoothly between different points and ideas.
introduction conclusion present
You have a strong introduction and conclusion, which clearly present and summarize your point of view.
relevant specific examples
You used some relevant examples to support your arguments, making your essay more persuasive.
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