IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people think it is more important to spend money on roads and motor ways than on public transport systems such as railways and trams. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #money #roads #motor #transport #systems #railways #trams
In
this
 modern era, the problem of
transport
 is something which bears some consideration.
This
 writer contends that
transport
systems
 for the community are as vital as roads because of the convenience of alleviating
traffic
 jams and low costs, despite some people believing that it is more necessary to upgrade road
systems
. It must be acknowledged that the majority of roads, especially in rural areas are in really bad condition with many holes and broken concrete on the surface.
As a consequence
, it leads to significant inconvenience and unexpected accidents for people.
Therefore
, local governments have to pay more investment to improve
this
 phenomenon.
However
, public
transport
systems
 like railways or buses play an important role as well in reducing
traffic
 congestion in rush hour.
Hence
, the importance of
transport
systems
 for publicity is an undeniable fact. Another point to consider is that public vehicles are extremely essential for residents. Indeed, it contributes to limiting the problems of
traffic
 jams with affordable payment for all the inhabitants.
Moreover
, these
systems
 provide convenience significantly for students or workers who have a demand to commute a long distance without high prices and suffer from
traffic
 congestion for a long time.
Although
 I totally agree that spending money on motorways is urgent, the problems
due to
 the lack of vehicles for the community are as serious as them. Take some large cities in America as an example here, where loads of citizens have to against congestion for many hours to reach their workplaces. Taking all points into account, there are many issues that come from
traffic
systems
. Thereby, local authorities have to impose suitable policies to solve these problems painstakingly for better living conditions
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 residents.

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task achievement
To improve the essay, make sure to provide more specific examples and evidence to support your main points.
coherence cohesion
Work on enhancing the logical flow of ideas between paragraphs. Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, maintaining a clear progression of thought.
task achievement
It can be beneficial to elaborate on your arguments with more detailed explanations. For instance, discuss the benefits and potential drawbacks of investing in roads versus public transport.
coherence cohesion
You may want to refine the introduction and conclusion to ensure they clearly encapsulate the main points of the essay. This will help to strengthen the overall structure.
task achievement
Consider balancing your arguments more effectively. Currently, there is a slight overemphasis on roads without equally detailed discussion on public transport systems.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps guide the reader through the arguments presented.
task achievement
You have addressed both sides of the argument, demonstrating an understanding of the complexity of the issue.
task achievement
The essay includes relevant points about traffic congestion, rural road conditions, and the benefits of public transport, showing a well-rounded approach to the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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