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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

some people believe we vannot learn anything from the past for our life today, while others believe that history is a valuable source of information to understand human life. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #vannot #life #history #source #information
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It is thought by some people that learning from past events is not effective to people these modern days
while
 others believe that history can provide us with a lot of benefits. In
this
 essay, both viewpoints will be outlined before reaching a conclusion. On the one hand, it is undeniable that it is hard to use past evidence as reflections
,
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 and one of the most crucial reasons is differences. To explain in greater detail, our lifestyles have significantly changed throughout the period.
Moreover
, upcoming technologies always distract us from everything and make us careless.
For instance
, when I was in secondary school, my best friend was hit by a bus because he did not pay a notice
while
 crossing a road.
However
, he was hit by a car again in the
last
 year because he looked down onto his iPhone screen.
On the other hand
, there are several reasons why we need to learn from the past, and the most alarming is mistakes. What
this
 means is people all around the world can compare events in the past and
then
 adapt them to their lives.
Furthermore
, learning from mistakes can help citizens to develop new ideas that can mitigate and alleviate problems that they encounter at
the
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present.
For example
, around 30 years ago in Thailand, we used to face droughts all over the country in the summer season.
Thus
, the government initiated the new water storage system which in turn the number of
this
 issue has reduced since
then
.
Overall
, it is a heated discussion about what the past can give us. From my point of view, I agree that everything in the past can provide us with experience and knowledge, helping to ease and tackle new problems.
Submitted by nnatthinee on

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task achievement
You've done well in addressing both viewpoints. To strengthen your essay, try to provide more depth in your explanations and examples. The first example is slightly unclear and doesn't strongly illustrate the point about distractions. Consider replacing it with a clearer example.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which is great. However, to improve coherence, work on developing more seamless transitions between sentences and paragraphs. For instance, using linking phrases like 'Consequently,' or 'On the contrary,' can make your writing flow better.
task achievement
You have provided a clear introduction and a well-rounded conclusion, which encapsulates your opinion effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your essay tends to follow a logical structure, which makes it easy to follow your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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