IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

ome people say that students who achieve the highest scores in theirexams should be rewarded. Others say that those who show progress should be rewarded instead. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#ome #people #students #scores #theirexams #show #progress
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People have different views about
school
 reward systems.
While
 some believe that
students
 with high marks should be given awards, others see that pupils who
show
 improvement during the
school
 year should be rewarded
instead
. On the one hand,
students
 who get the highest scores
show
 good examples of discipline and dedication. They spend the majority of their time studying and focusing on
school
 duties. To clarify that, a reward system helps them to maintain their good marks and encourages other
students
 to follow their steps.
Therefore
, schools will gain a good reputation among other schools. In Japan,
for instance
, schools have special rewards for
students
 who achieve the highest scores, they send them on a trip abroad for weeks.
On the other hand
, pupils who
show
 remarkable improvement should be rewarded as they work hard to develop themselves to a better level. These types of
students
 push themselves to the extreme to move from the lower stage to the upper one. Indeed, they work for hours and hours to improve themselves not only from an academic perspective but
also
 in non-academic events. Sometimes they are involved in charity activities outside the
school
 to acquire more skills. It is more beneficial to award them to keep them on the right path and
thus
 they will ensure their progress will continue even after finishing
school
.
To conclude
,
although
students
 with the highest academic records should be rewarded for their achievement, I believe that
students
 who
show
 development should be given rewards as they put a lot of effort during the
school
 year to achieve a good result in all aspects.
Submitted by nidaa_hamed on

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task achievement
In your response, ensure that you cover both sides of the argument equally. Currently, more emphasis is placed on the students who show improvement, while the advantages of rewarding high scorers could be expanded further.
coherence cohesion
Work on using transitional words and phrases effectively to ensure a smooth transition between ideas and paragraphs. Phrases like 'Additionally,' 'Furthermore,' and 'In contrast,' can be useful.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which are well-articulated and concise.
task achievement
You have provided relevant and specific examples, such as the Japanese school trip reward system, which strengthens your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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