IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say that wild animals have no place in the 21st century, and the protection is a waste of resources. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #animals #place #st #century #protection #waste #resources
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It is thought by some
people
 that in the near future, the world will have no place for wildlife and all the money
that is
 used to protect them is a waste of resources. In my opinion, I slightly disagree with
this
 aspect and reasons will be outlined before reaching a conclusion.
To begin
 with, there are many benefits after authorities who are related to
this
 field spend their resources on
creatures
, and one of the most significant reasons is
zoos
. To elaborate
further
, it is undeniable that
zoos
 are places that provide wildlife with favourable conditions
instead
 of being hunted and poached in the forest.
Moreover
, children and adults can learn and gain knowledge about wild animals in the world by visiting
zoos
.
For example
, in Thailand, an elephant in a national park zoo was helped from poaching for ivory, and the zoo put him into a new gigantic cage with
a
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apply
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plenty of playground area and food.
Besides
, numerous individuals from anywhere could be able to see
learn
Correct word choice
and learn
show examples
 about elephant's behaviours.
Additionally
, another crucial support for my idea is we can do research on
creatures
. To explain in greater detail, after authorities catch endangered wild animals as samples and study their lives,
this
 research and information will be published which in turn can raise awareness of individuals.
Furthermore
, scientists will understand how to save and breed some
creatures
 that are on the brink of extinction.
For instance
, there were red pandas which were an exotic animal in Thailand were smuggled, so when authorities helped them from smugglers, they put them into laboratories to check their health and conditions
as well as
 information about the red pandas
then
 was published
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Thai
people
.
In addition
, the government had planned to breed them in Thailand.
Overall
, even if a number of
people
 think that wildlife will have no place to live in the next several years and all of the resources that they put to protect them are wasted. From my point of view, I disagree with
this
 idea because many
zoos
 have been constructed to keep animals alive and numerous research have already been published, helping
people
 to grasp and study
creatures
' behaviours.
Submitted by nnatthinee on

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task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task and provides a balanced argument. To further improve your task response, consider elaborating on the counter-argument to add depth to your discussion.
coherence cohesion
Your writing is generally cohesive and well-structured. However, using a greater variety of linking words and phrases can enhance the flow of your essay. Also, make sure to proofread for minor grammatical errors to ensure accuracy.
task achievement
You have successfully provided relevant examples to support your main points, which strengthens your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your argument effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Biodiversity
  • Ecological balance
  • Ethical duty
  • Extinct species
  • Wildlife tourism
  • Eco-tourism
  • Economic revenue
  • Scientific research
  • Biological processes
  • Natural heritage
  • Future generations
  • Climate change mitigation
  • Healthy ecosystems
  • Wildlife conservation
  • Habitat preservation
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