Many people believe money is a very important factor for achieving hapiness.Others, however believe that money has nothing to do with hapiness.Discuss both views.

#people #money #factor #hapiness

Different kinds of individuals argue that

money

is not the cause of happiness.

However

, other segments of humans say that being pleased is not related to

money

as well.

While

happy people identify

pleasant

Rephrase

as pleasant

show examples

as well as

they can unwind and relax out of huge responsibilities, I completely believe that

money

is needed to buy the basic needs for everyone's

life

This

essay will represent both points of view. On the one hand, too many people describe happiness as being far away from all responsibilities and headache tasks

as well as

having a

life

balance without focusing on collecting

money

and increasing their revenue rates. These types of individuals,

such

as investors and company owners are spending their whole week

in addition

to the national weekends in their jobs .

Moreover

, they feel more exhausted

at the end

of their days.

For example

, when the president of a firm, that manufactures specific products, meets businessmen, builds relationships and does their original strategic tasks during the whole week without any rest to increase revenue growth for the company , they will feel exhausted and lose the rest of

life

in strengthen relationships with their family and friends.

On the other hand

, other personas believe that

money

is not the source of being happy at all.

In other words

money

is needed to meet humans' basic needs in their lives. Being happy and pleased is to live without asking for donations to get warm, eat healthy food and drink clean water.

However

, if people could not meet their living needs daily,

as a result

, the impoverished would rise and cause a community crisis.

For instance

, parents need an amount of

money

to bring

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

their children food and medicines when they are sick.

However

, they will go for illegal ways like stealing to meet the daily needs of being survived with their children. In conclusion,

although

happiness is described as having a

life

-balance in

life

without thinking of raising

money

for parts of the population,

money

is a crucial need for every well-being to be alive in

life

Whereas

, without having

money

for various personas, there is a probability

Change preposition

of to

show examples

increase

the

Change preposition

in the

show examples

rate of starvation.

Submitted by dianaishaq on Sun Jan 07 2024

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task achievement

Ensure that both views on the topic are fully explored and exemplified with clear, relevant examples. Some of the arguments could be supported with more specific examples rather than hypothetical scenarios.

coherence cohesion

Make sure that the essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The introduction could be strengthened by explicitly stating the purpose of the essay and providing a brief overview of the points that will be discussed.

coherence cohesion

Improve the essay structure by using cohesive devices appropriately. Ensure paragraphs are well-developed with a single main idea each and use a range of linking words to help with the flow of the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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15Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

361 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

financial security
basic needs
diminishing returns
materialism
personal growth
mindset
self-worth
social status
philanthropy
well-being
experiences
generosity
fulfilling
reduces stress
escalate
acquiring wealth
sense of security
comparative wealth
excessive focus
leisure activities

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Many people believe money is a very important factor for achieving hapiness.Others, however believe that money has nothing to do with hapiness.Discuss both views.

Your opinion

We live in a world of technology these days. While the internet brings with it clear advantages, the problem in terms of control and security of information outweighs the advantages. To what extent do you agree?

Young children have a special talent for language learning. Children should be taught other languages at an early age.

You are not satisfied with many problems and with the changing room in a Sports Centre that you visit. Write a letter to the Sports Centre manager. In your letter Explain the problem Say how you feel about this problem What steps you would like manager to take.

Nowadays it is possible to use computers and mobile phones for automatic language translation, and there is no need for human translators and interpreters. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Women are better at childcare than men therefore they should focus more on raising children and less on their working life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?