IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

The quality of life in some big cities is becoming worse every year. What is the main cause of this problem? What solution could you suggest?

#quality #life #cities #year
Nowadays a lot of big cities face many problems,
such
 as air pollution, massive homeless problems and increasing criminality.
While
 the reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 them might be different, the results are always the same, decreasing the quality of
life
. The major cause of
this
 destructive pattern is overpopulation. The number of citizens drastically jumped to the level where there
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 a lack of available apartments for them. In many cases,
this
 leads
people
 to end up on the streets, where the only way to provide food and money is by stealing. Local government is
also
 responsible for that situation
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because they don't spend enough resources to fight that trend. One of the possible solutions might be for the city to build more cheap apartments for the lowest economic group.
This
 will cost a lot of money, but in the future, it can be much more profitable.
Although
 living on the streets, most of the
people
 are honest and valuable. It is important to give them a second chance so they can start over. As for the common
people
, it is
also
 important to be aware of these problems. It's evident that they can't do as much as the city council, but even small things can change someone's
life
. To sum it all up, it's impossible to change anything without spending a lot of resources and cooperating with many public institutions. To improve the quality of
life
 in big cities
people
 need to change their way of
life
 and work together. Certainly, it won't be easy but
at the end
 of the day, it is necessary.
Submitted by piotrsmolik on

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task achievement
Your essay could benefit from more precise language and fewer generalizations. For example, the causes of decreasing life quality are rather simplistic and lacking depth. Try to explore additional factors such as economic disparities, poor urban planning, and environmental issues. Providing a more comprehensive view will help achieve a higher score.
coherence
Ensure your paragraphs are well-developed and interconnected. While transitions between ideas are present, they could be smoother. Use linking words and phrases more effectively to guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
The essay presents ideas clearly but can improve in terms of providing detailed and relevant examples to support main points. For instance, when discussing overpopulation, elaborate on specific ways it leads to increased crime rates or homelessness with examples or statistics.
coherence
The conclusion summarizes the essay well, but it can be more impactful. Reinforce your main ideas more emphatically and propose a broader set of solutions or a call to action.
introduction
The essay has a clear introduction which effectively outlines the main issues leading to a decline in life quality in big cities.
conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the key points and provides a hopeful outlook, emphasizing the need for collective effort and resource allocation.
task achievement
The main ideas are relevant to the topic and demonstrate a clear understanding of the issues being discussed.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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