IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Cities should be designed to be attractive for local people and foreign tourist. Do you agree or disagree?

#cities #people #tourist
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Urban areas must be visualized to attract locals and
tourists
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 worldwide.
This
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 statement is interesting and I fully agree with that. Attractive design will not only improve the popularity but
also
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 improve the tourism sector which both
benefit
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 the local economy.
Firstly
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, if
cities
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 are built to attract locals and foreigners, more of them
are
Wrong verb form
will be
show examples
 interested not only in visiting for a holiday but
also
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 in staying. If
this
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 trend continues, the
city
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 will become famous as more and more citizens visit there. Gaining popularity means there is a big attraction, which will attract
investors
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 to invest in the
cities
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.
Investors
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 are a key to developing a
city
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 as their investment will ensure the
city
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's longevity, not just in its infrastructure, but
also
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 in the amount of
investors
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 too.
Moreover
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, the investor provides a hefty amount of jobspaces too.
For example
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, if there is a hotel
investors
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 want to invest in by building a hotel in the
cities
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, the hotel will provide jobs for its citizens.
Secondly
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, If
cities
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 are attracting both locals and foreigners, it will improve the tourism sectors. As more and more
tourists
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 visit the area, Local hotels will be crowded by
tourists
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 during the holiday season.
This
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 is the main
benefit
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 of
cities
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 that attract
tourists
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.
In addition
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, local gift shops will
also
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 be full of the foreign. As a direct cause, the local people's economy will be improved. There are a lot of examples of
this
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 tourism
benefit
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 from worldwide
cities
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 and countries. Mentions Doha in Qatar, with its unique skyscraper and large shopping mall complexes, improve their country's economy. In short, there are a lot of benefits of implementing
city
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 design that attract citizens and
tourists
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 worldwide. The key
benefit
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 of implementing
that is
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 to attract
investors
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 and
tourists
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 as both will improve the
city
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's economic cycle.
Submitted by arsyiiimuhammad061 on

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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of your arguments by ensuring smoother transitions between points. Use linking words and phrases to create a clearer flow.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion needs a bit more emphasis. Summarize your key points succinctly to leave a stronger impact.
task achievement
While your main points are well-supported, try to diversify your examples to cover a broader perspective. It helps to include more varied evidence.
task achievement
Your essay provides a complete response to the task and clearly explains why attractive urban design benefits local people and tourists.
task achievement
The ideas presented are clear and comprehensive, with relevant examples that support your points well.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, which frame your essay effectively.
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