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Band 7

In some countries, online shopping is getting more popular and replacing shopping in stores. Do the advantages of online shopping outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #stores
In today's society, physical
stores
 which are being replaced by online shops in many nations have sparked a degree of controversy among
people
.
Although
this
 tendency is not without the disadvantages, the advantages will justify
this
. On the one hand, there are a number of major drawbacks
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 online shopping.
To begin
 with, customers cannot try
products
 before making a purchase.
For example
, a girl cannot try wearing a dress to see if it fits her body.
Furthermore
, as items sold online are often less reliable, the
products
 that
people
finally
 get delivered to their
house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
show examples
 might have a poorer quality than expected.
Finally
, because online shopping is easier and cheaper,
people
 tend to buy too much, which would lead to a large waste of money. If shopping in
stores
 is more popular,
this
 problem will be less likely to happen.
On the other hand
, I believe that the benefits are more significant than
such
 disadvantages.
Firstly
, since
people
 can buy
products
 at home without having to go to
stores
 or shopping malls,
this
 is a quicker and cheaper way to shop.
For example
, Amazon and eBay are two popular websites that provide a huge number of different
products
, and customers can visit those sites and make purchases easily.
This
 allows consumers to save time and the costs of travelling.
Secondly
, as
people
 can compare different brands and
products
 on the Internet, they can have a wider range of choices when shopping online.
For instance
, buyers can easily compare the shoes of Converse and Adidas and choose to buy the best pair
while
 it is difficult to do that at physical
stores
. In conclusion,
while
 online shopping has some disadvantages to some extent, I would argue that it is more beneficial.
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Detail Expansion
To improve further, consider expanding on your points with more detailed examples. While your essay is clear and concise, diving deeper into specific instances can enrich your argumentation.
Language Enhancement
Work on slight language precision and complexity to move from 'very good' to 'excellent'. Using more varied sentence structures and higher-level vocabulary can push your essay to the next band.
Logical Structure
Your essay demonstrates a clear and logical structure, making it easy for the reader to follow your arguments.
Introduction/Conclusion
The introduction and conclusion efficiently summarize your main points and provide a coherent framework for your essay.
Examples
You provide relevant examples to support your points, making your arguments more convincing.
Task Achievement
Your response addresses the task fully, discussing both advantages and disadvantages comprehensively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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