IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Having more money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more free time. Discuss both views and state your opinion?

#money #time
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nowadays,
life
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 is likely to be what
money
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 is all about.
although
Linking Words
 it is sometimes
though
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thought
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 that
have
Wrong verb form
having
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 a
lot
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 of
money
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 and short spare
time
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 is good, others think that more free
time
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 and low pay
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 beneficial.
in
Capitalize word
In
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 my opinion, I consider that making a
lot
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 of
money
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 and limited
time
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 can facilitate our lives in many aspects. on the one hand, many people think that more
money
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 and less free
time
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 is better. because they can buy whatever they want, ranging from
laptop
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laptops
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 and
cellphone
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cellphones
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 to
house
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houses
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 and
car
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cars
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. not only do they provide primary facilities but they can create
satisfying
Correct article usage
a satisfying
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 sense for themselves
.at
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At
 present, most rich people work a
lot
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 and
then
Linking Words
 buy expensive cars, like Ferraris and Range Rovers to make them happy.
Therefore
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, I believe that having cash is more vital than having an extra ideal
time
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.
on the other hand
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, it is sometimes believed that it would be better if the emphasis was on having more spare
time
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 and less
money
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.
Correct your spelling
In
in other words
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, as
human
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humans
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, we need to
spent
Change the verb
spend
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 a
lot
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 of
time
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 with friends and family members, in order to relive from hectic
life
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 style, increase concentration and get relaxed. because in
this
Linking Words
 materialistic
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life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
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, many individuals suffer from a lack of free
time
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.
Linking Words
that
Capitalize word
That
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 is why,
this
Linking Words
 condition may result in mental disorders, like depression. in conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 people may vary in their opinions, I think that human beings can have
comfortable
Correct article usage
a comfortable
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life
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 if they can focus on making a
lot
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 of
money
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 and less free
time
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by salehmiri1995 on

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Grammar
Work on improving grammar and punctuation to ensure clarity and precision in your writing.
Content Development
Expand on your ideas more comprehensively and ensure supporting examples are related directly to the main points.
Task Achievement
The essay presents both views and states the writer's opinion clearly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Logical structure with well-organized paragraphs and clear central ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion appropriately present and restate the main idea of the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • facilitating
  • lifestyle
  • professional development
  • increased stress
  • work-life balance
  • hobbies
  • quality time
  • physical and mental health
  • financial constraints
  • luxury items
  • overall well-being
  • personal growth
  • middle ground
  • sacrificing
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