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Writing Samples
Band 8

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

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The concept of 'hard-working' has been inculcated generation by generation since ancient times. Many people, especially parents, argue that it is still the unique way to be successful.
Nevertheless
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, I staunchly believe that there are many other characteristics that should be considered rather than maximizing the effort that humans should make daily. In
this
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 essay, I will explain the drawbacks and the benefits, and I will give my reasons in detail. To start with, it is well known that most people have to
work
Use synonyms
 hard every day not only to accomplish their targets but
also
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 to support their families.
Therefore
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, workers usually perform their tasks for long periods of time, even working more hours than those stipulated in their schedules.
However
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, it is considered the way to learn strategies
as well as
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 to acquire enough knowledge and tools to reach their goals.
For example
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, Elon Musk, during his childhood and adolescence used to study and
work
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 for more than 16 hours per day, and nowadays is known as one the biggest entrepreneurs in the world because of their wealth.
Conversely
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, the aforementioned example cannot be applied because
this
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 is not the common pattern shown in our society. Unfortunately, the rate of mental diseases has rocketed, which is explained mainly by the prevalence of 'burnout' in workers.
This
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 term has been widely popularized during the
last
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 decade
due to
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 the incidence of procrastination has increased in humaking and low performances in companies are more common.
As a consequence
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 of
this
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, the importance of taking a rest and doing leisure activities has been recognized and the definition of 'workaholic' has been taken into account as a disease.
For instance
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, sociologist researchers have shown that more than 50% of the population has experienced chronic fatigue and depressive ideas related to their wide periods of
work
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.
To sum up
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, hard
work
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 has been taught as the main measurement to achieve our goals.
Nonetheless
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, there are many other factors that should be evaluated in order to improve mental health
as well as
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 the performance of the population.

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task achievement
Ensure that the essay addresses all parts of the prompt explicitly. The mention of advantages and disadvantages must be clear, distinct, and balanced.
coherence cohesion
Try to avoid long-winded sentences that may confuse the reader. Simplify and clarify your explanations where necessary.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and a comprehensive conclusion that summarizes the key points.
task achievement
Good use of examples such as Elon Musk to support arguments. This enriches the essay and provides relevant context.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • achieve
  • try hard
  • positive mindset
  • self-belief
  • motivates
  • ambitious goals
  • resilience
  • determination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • growth mindset
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • failure
  • effort
  • hard work
  • seek support
  • individual differences
  • abilities
  • capabilities
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