IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Globalization is creating a world of one culture and destroying national identity. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

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In recent times, the United States and the United Kingdom have been promoting the idea of uniting the world under one governance.
While
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 some citizens of developed countries support
this
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 movement, Africa as a continent stands firmly against it.
This
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 essay completely agrees with the stance of the Africans. I believe that uniting all continents will result in a loss of individual identity and the uniqueness of societies.
To begin
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 with, humans are defined by their roots, including their culture, language, history, and many other attributes. Many people who have been lost
due to
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 events like the slave trade or kidnapping find their way back home because of the similarities they see in themselves and a particular tribe.
For instance
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, in the 1970s,
due to
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 the persecution of Jews by the Germans, Israelis were able to lay claim to the land of Israel because of the stories and historical resemblance to what is written in the Bible. Without
such
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 historical connections, they might not have had a place to settle.
Furthermore
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, today we have visitors from different origins touring places, learning different languages, and experiencing diverse ways of life because they find
this
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 diversity fascinating. Imagine if everyone spoke the same language and dressed alike; there would be no reason to explore. Take,
for example
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, the Aboriginals, who are the indigenous people of Australia. They are often forced to suppress their culture
due to
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 the influence of colonisers.
To sum up
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, I am totally against the globalisation of all populations, as it diminishes the significance of individuality and cultural identity.

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task achievement
The introduction provides a clear stance but could benefit from incorporating the essay's main points more explicitly to set a clearer roadmap for the reader.
task achievement
Some arguments could be strengthened with more varied examples or statistical data to provide a more convincing case. Consider elaborating on how globalization directly impacts cultural identity in multiple regions beyond the provided examples.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that directly links to the overall argument. This will improve the logical flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of transitional phrases and connectors to ensure smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant examples such as the historical context of the Jews and the cultural challenges faced by Aboriginals to support the arguments presented.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively present the writer’s stance, providing a clear position on the topic at hand.
coherence cohesion
The essay is organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs each addressing a specific point, and a succinct conclusion, which demonstrates a logical structure.
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